Monday, June 10, 2013


As parents of children with drug addiction issues,there has to be life outside of addiction. You cannot let this consume your whole being for existence. Yes you are always going to be their parent,Yes they are always going to have this disease,But you need to be healthy..Both physically & Emotionally. After all you have come up against one of most insidious diseases to deal with!

When there are other siblings involved ,it becomes even more important!! Especially if there are other factors in the mix,like in our family,the early diagnosis of ADHD.I always had guilt and worry that the ADHD had robbed my older son of time with me in the growing up years.Time that was spent dealing with his Brothers ADHD and all the problems that accompany it.Now Addiction has crept in.

I tried to shield my older son some of the details of his brother's addiction.Of course he knew it existed..some times were good..others no so much. The fact that he is 5 years older,Successful in his career,Has a family and lives away, all contributed to my belief that he did not need to know about his slide back into the active using part of his disease. He had been doing well.I did not want him to love his brother any less.I did not want him to worry or to visit his brothers problems on him & His family.I also did not want him to hate his brother for what his disease was also doing to us.However it is a Family Disease..Like it or not..It is here to stay.When it all came spiraling down..again..and I feared his brother,my son..was going to die I had to tell him what was unfolding,And how scared we were for his brother.Was he angry we hadn't told him what was brewing this past month?...Yes..Why didn't I tell him?..For all of the reasons above...There is a fine line between keeping siblings informed without drawing them in to the Chaos...

Yesterday when my son was here for a visit..Yes he is still Clean..I asked the Question.." What is the plan to stay on this road of recovery?" It is after all his responsibility..Get his life back on track.. reach out for counselling...NA...I had suggested perhaps taking a course..To help build his self confidence..keep him busy..Open more doors for employment..His answer was..I am not my brother..Where did that come from..From deep are not your brother..And if you had 15 brothers no two would be alike...You have to find your own niche..You have many skills your brother does not..Concentrate on those.He wants his brother to be proud of him..He looks up to him..Wants the things he has..He just has to work at and for them...

I hope they will be able to heal their relationship..together..with mutual respect..admiration & adults.
Even tho they will always be my little boys...they are young men now, Free to live their lives as they see fit. They will always be brothers...There is a bond matter how deep it sometimes is buried..It is there...

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