I received a phone call last night from a dear friend of my fathers.I always thought of him as an uncle as he was always around our home.He is ruff and gruff,tells it like it is,but has a heart of gold.He had just recently heard about my son's battle with addiction.He hesitated to reach out,not wanting to appear nosy.I assured him,I was very grateful for his call..and any insight he had I would love to hear.
You see he has been in AA for 45 Years,Just picking up his 45 yr chip before Christmas.Amazing...
He asked about my son,His drug of choice,how long he been on journey through hell and then he asked how I was.Not your everyday conversation but I was curious to listen to what advice,wisdom he could share.
He started out by saying AA/NA is not for everyone ( gasp).This coming from a 45 yr.AA man shocked me to no end.It wasn't for your father,This I knew.It worked for me,It saved my life.I took what I needed and left the rest.Your father wasn't me,He was very private and quiet ( except when he was drinking).I would drag him with me to the meetings and watch his legs shake,his eyes staring at the clock on the wall,fidgeting the whole time.I knew deep down he wasn't feeling comfortable but I figured eventually he would see the error of his way and embrace the 12 steps.He never did.He did it his way,Like the old Frank Sinatra Song " I did it My Way".
I see alot of your Father in your son,I had to agree, he is almost a carbon copy, personality wise.He will find his way.Just support whatever way that is,he'll work it out on his own.He learned that,he said, from my father.There is no room for judgement when we all have a common goal...To Live..To get our life back..To be once again in control of our Lives.
I shared with him that my son was in recovery thanks to Methadone.I waited..for the conversation to take a downward turn..He never missed a beat..He actually started to cry..He was so relieved to hear he was in recovery..And see..He's doing it his way!! I was so scared he was going to Judge him..But he didn't..He added that many of his fellow AA members had taken Antabuse ( a Dr.prescribed medication) To get off the booze..He was glad methadone was working for my son.Whatever works !!
It made my heart sing to hear him say those words , 45 years later and he supports whatever works.He continued on to say everyone was different,their poisons were all different.Some are easier to overcome than others.You know, when my life was quickly going to hell in a handbasket,the one constant in my life was my Mother,she never gave up on me..And I put her through hell...Well I lost it then..I hear this so often..and I know we can never give up, We can offer support or advocate. I agreed with him and said,I understand some people chant"Give it to God"..But God gave him to us..for a reason..there is a no return Policy when it comes to our children !!!!.I will always keep My sons close..no matter what..
He is taking my son out for coffee next week..to celebrate recovery..Their way..xo