Not sure where my head or thoughts are this morning..Yesterday was a day of ups and downs..Just a typical day in our lives these past years...Good nights sleep knowing our son was in detox...I have learned that when we know something big is about to happen we try to plan ahead..stand united ...Prepare ourselves for the battle..Our thoughts have now switched to his recovery..Our role as supporters..without crossing that thin line of enabling.
The first phone call That changed that discussion quickly was " Maama I can't do this,They don't know what their doing..etc..I gave him encouragement Only..Did not engage with this type of banter..Second phone call one hour later..Dad took this one..Doing great Dad..Eating..know lots of people..Can I talk to Mamma..No she is resting..Ok..talk to you tomorrow. Hmmmm This left us both scratching or heads..We understand it is rough..both physical & mentally for him..we just were not prepared for how quickly this set in..So much for preparing !!
The next phone call came from Family...How was he doing ? Our Oldest son. Told him the latest news.He was pleased to hear he chose detox..He is a smart man and knows the toll it is taking on all of us..He also is sometimes my reality check..He tells like it is..As we were talking a little more about it I wanted to end that topic with him..Move on to his life..His news..His well being ( sounded like he had a cold)..My Grandbabee !! Smile & laugh about her newest adventures..As I know she is the most beautiful & smartest child ever born..No greater Joy than being a Grandmother!! As I was Switching the topic I said well it has been a long 5 years lets hope this is starting him on a new path..Yes Mom..But it is more like 10 years! *Smack*..What did I consider the first 5 years...Just a stage ?..I needed That!!
Next family member called..Started off well..Was happy he was in detox..how did we get him there ? I knew this was not going to be a healthy call for me.Well his Dad took Him..But he chose to go !! Think positive..And If he does not stay ? His Choice..Then What..You have to do something ?? My god where was this person for the past 5 years...You can't just let him continue do this...But your his mother..He needs help..I lost it...Tried to explain it was his disease..He had to take ownership..he had to reach out for the help...NO, calling the police and making them take him for help does not work..not their job..No taking him to ER by force will not Help either..They don't treat drug addiction at the ER.
I am Truly trying to be patient with family and their genuine concern for our son..However I find myself isolating myself more & more from them just to avoid the conflicts that I know are going to arise Since we chose this path of "Letting go".I have to blame myself for some of this because I do attempt to educate them on addiction..and although they say they understand...They can't possibly..I have to remember Like my son..It does come down to choices...They can chose to remain ignorant about our situation or chose to just be supportive...And maybe it is my fault..yes blame yourself Mamma...Maybe I am not making myself clear when I say I need to talk you...How do they know I mean what I say...I really do just want to talk..get it off my chest...Get some love & encouraging words back.. not ridicule or questioning our Judgement . Perhaps I should just talk to those that do understand..And keep my words to a minimum with those who do not.
My Youngest brother called...He was unaware My Son was in detox..Once I told him, his first words were " What can I do to help" . Music to my ears for 2 reasons...He has Asperger syndrome ...this is unusual because they lack empathy. Secondly, There was something he could do to help and he agreed.Most importantly for me were those 6 words " What can I do to help ".
Our son remains in Detox