Saturday, January 24, 2015

Taking Our Kids Back

As I popped on the Internet this morning, the latest news feed was a mile long.It was the top one that caught and held my attention.It was actually from a group I thought I had left,because of all the fighting among the member's.

The message however was a strong one.It was asking all mother's to Unite in Taking back our Kids.

I never went to the site to view the comments as I knew they would be full of so many opinions on that statement." They have to want it themselves" " Just give it to god" " He is evil "" I can't save him" etc.

 I myself, continue to work on my own recovery,Like my son's, it is and will be a lifelong process.Over the time I have left many groups,stopped following certain blogs,Joined more groups,searching for like minded parents such as myself.I also still follow blogs that aren't like minded because they keep me on my toes.They also have taught me many things,Like my son's recovery I take what I need and leave the rest.

We are all fighting the same Devil..Addiction.

Let's Do Our Part, To bring Our Kids Back
There is much we can't help our children with.No we can't save them,But we can be part of the solution that may lead them to recovery.

The most important step is getting healthy yourself,For me I found the healthier I got,The better my son got.
The main steps for we parents, are the Obvious ones.Not enabling,set up rules and boundary's.Always ask yourself is this helping my child...or feeding the Addiction.Each and everyone of us can do our part in Taking back our Kids.

It does not have to be holding a sign and standing in protest,There are many who can't do that.It does not have to be speaking out in pulblic,Public speaking is not everyone's cup of Tea.It is not founding a self help-group,Starting a blog,researching for new ways to unlock the brain of those suffering from addiction,Fighting for better treatment,recovery homes or writing new laws to protect our children.It does not have to be any of these things.

  • It can be as simple as writing a letter to your local government represenitive,Your city counselor.
  • It can be giving to a foodbank,A homeless shelter,Offering a warm blanket or a meal to somesones child,hoping someone else is doing the same for yours.
  • It can be supporting them in the treatment of Their Choice..Most importantly,being there if that choice fails and encouraging them to try a different path.
  • It can be keeping them close..texting,calling,leave a message with those 3 powerful words" I love You"
  • It can be driving them to treatment and visiting them on family days.
  • It Can be Admitting when your wrong..and zipping it when your right

It can be a hundred small things,but you can't do it if your full of anger,fear,So sick you can't get out of bed,uneducated about the disease of addiction.

You can't do anything if you don't lift yourself up and start recoverying yourself,That is the first and most important step.

You have to give to yourself first,before you can give to someone else..but you can do it..Just as our children can do step at a time.

Let's do our part...take our kids healing ourselves first...xoxo

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Different Roles In Addiction

As I read blogs,research papers,self help groups,papers on addiction etc. I often wonder how I survived without a psychologist ,A social worker,A youth worker, A psychiatrist !
I grew up with an alcoholic father and an a mother who was addicted to opioids.I was the oldest and just assumed the role of both parents..or either,when situations arose in regards to my younger siblings.It was just the way it was.It was my norm, and I just accepted that fact.

I had a wonderful supportive extended family,not that they took over any these roles,but they would call..or visit..bring meals..ask if I needed anything..took us out of the situation when needed..all the time, never acknowledging the problems verbally,out loud, within our family unit.

I learned survival skills..responsibility..compassion..empathy..I sat in the rooms with my father giving him proud of his mom received no help , as they would just write more scripts for pills..sell her over the counter after day, without a question..or any concern..even after 3 OD' one said a word..pump out her stomach,medicate her,write her another script..send us on our way.

My point is did I grow up without any baggage..without any professional help!

My only conclusion was I didn't know any was, what it was and I just did what was needed for our family.Yes, it was dysfunctional in today's buzz words..but it was my norm.there was also a lot of love..there were good times,times of sobriety for my father,times when my mom wasn't completely zoned out,we took family vacations..Both my parents gave whatever they could to help out a friend,a neighbour,a stranger,Every Sunday we sat in church.

It wasn't until I had children of my own that I knew..promised myself..promised children would not grow up like that..and they didn't.They grew up in normal,loving,nurturing family,with rules and boundary's and responsibility.

I guess my question has always been, as I now journey alongside my son with his disease of Addiction..How in the hell did I get through this with my parents..unscathed!!

I will not be so lucky on this journey,this time.

They say knowledge is power,It is also heart wrenching !

The drugs of my parents choosing, were not the same in volume, or in potency ,of my sons.

The fear,the helplessness,the knowledge..Oh the knowledge..In knowing, I could lose my child,cannot be compared.There is no greater love than of a mother for her child.

I will not let it defeat me,I will keep researching,I will keep on loving,I will continue to keep him close.I will cheer lead whatever path he chooses to maintain his recovery.I will share,Loudly..our story.I will continue to advocate,support,reach out to others on the same Journey.I will continue to heal,So I never..never again be taken to my knees in such devasting fear,.Yes, I will come out of this one a wee bit battered and bruised..but
not defeated !! I do pray for other Families,Those who live with this disease..God bless us all..xo

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Dear AA/NA

This is a not so short and not so sweet post,I am so angry and disappointed.Just answer me this question,and,It had better be an intelligent,evidence based answer!

Why would any AA/ NA group refuse young Men and Women,Their hard earned chips,when they find out they are on MATS??
A young Man/Woman who, during "treatment",was driven daily to NA/AA meetings,visited daily in rehab by NA/AA..given the books,welcomed with open arms,loved  by those members who stated "seeing these youth's smiling faces in recovery make our day". BUT never told " By the way,if you take MAT ( medication assisted treatment), you are not welcome??? When they KNOW 80 percent in the Center are taking them!!!

Never miss meetings,worked their steps with every bit of sincerity as the next person,turned their life around 100 percent,Tell Me Why don't they deserve their Fcuking Chip???

  Their not clean ? They are on a medication for a disease,They're NOT high.We encourage our Youth to attend NA/AA,It has an important "Support" place in their recovery, AND this is the result,time and time again.
  YOUR freaking higher power is WAY different than mine.Mine does not JUDGE.Mine hung around with Thieves and prostitutes,Murders, don't tell me MAT is a crutch,Cause you know what ? I love crutches.They help people walk again ! I love Band aids.They help our sores heal !

Any Adult who has walked this road of Addiction and refuses a young or any person who" is" in RECOVERY,A GD well earned Chip,Needs to work his freakin steps again.Cause he missed a whole lot !!.
Example :
AA:"The Big BOOK"
 No A.A. member should “play doctor”; all
medical advice and treatment should come from a
qualified physician.

Drug Replacement
By definition, drug replacement is used for a differ-
ent reason than prescribed medications for mental or
physical health. This distinction makes drug replace-
ment a separate issue for us in NA. When it comes to
those who participate in drug replacement, it is helpful
to remember that our Third Tradition clearly states that
membership in NA is established when someone has a
desire to stop using or when they choose to become a
member, not when they are clean. No matter what the
issue, groups are still charged with the goal of welcom-
ing each person who walks into a meeting.

They earned that Chip. A few years ago a young man shared with me a story, about himself, and his to recovery on MAT and being refused his chip.I dug out one of my fathers chips and personally gave him his one year chip.I know, My Dad, would gladly give it up to this young man ,who rightly deserved it.Cause that's the kind of AA/NA MAN he was.Shame on you!

Bill W was a very progressive man,I have no doubt he would be rolling in his grave seeing what happened, and happens everyday within these groups.Remember folks AA/NA is not treatment..It is a support group.

P.S. Do not tell them to find another another meeting,This is a common theme among our youth who attend "Different" meetings.There must be someone willing to stand up and speak for these youth.Times are changing folks and our kids are dying.Be part of the solution Please, Please ,not the problem.They are devastated! I will forever choke on the words,Seek a NA/AA Support group it will help in your recovery.When, I know in my heart,this will be the reward for your recovery, None !