Friday, June 14, 2013

No Girls Allowed

In the Case of our children dealing with Addiction,whether it be in the active using stage or the recovery stage of their illness,Girlfriends ( As in our Case) Can have either have a supportive role Or the role of Saboteur.

What we have found as parents,In our experience...If our son is actively using and brings home a new girlfriend for us to meet..Chances are she is also dealing with substance abuse problems.It took a few long years to actually grasp this.You really want to believe the best.She is clean..Loves our son..Will be a good influence on him.. his words(" She does not use therefore she will be & has been good for me).You want to believe those words.Chances are he is lying..she is are then dealing with 2 people with addiction issues & all the Drama that accompanies that relationship...Not good. However you do have remember that they also have a disease..needs treatment..Just do not be pulled into the role of trying to help both of them...You have enough on your hands!!

When our son is clean & introduces a new girlfriend..Same scenario..Only to find out she is a recreational/Occasional user...once a month..nothing serious..Really??? This could be and has been the catalyst..the trigger..that could..very easily start his active using again. You find yourself back in the Drama again.

What have we learned ? Unless he has his act together totally..embraced recovery..understands his disease...Research tells us that it takes a least a year of being clean,along with the understanding of his disease,himself,rebuilds his self esteem..etc..They are not ready for a committed relationship. I am sure there are exceptions to this rule..For example..a girlfriend who truly has no addiction issues,I am sure could be a positive role model ..As long as she is fully aware of this disease! We want nothing more..Like every Parent, to see our son have a normal life...successes in all aspects of his life including a loving partnership. Until he realizes he needs help...seeks treatment ( providing the treatment is readily available) on himself..This sadly is not possible.

We have learned to distance ourselves from these relationships..We have to , for our recovery..It is enough to be supportive to our son in his journey to recovery..without added stress of another toxic relationship.Sooo
No we do not want meet her...The moment this happens we are opening our door !
When you are serious about your addiction...staying clean...well on the road recovery...You can bring her by for a" meet & greet"..Until then..sorry..No Girls Allowed!!

No comments:

Post a Comment