Thursday, May 29, 2014

Positive Thoughts

You know that old saying"sometimes your the dog..and sometimes your the tree"
Well this was my week to be the tree!

While my son entered treatment for a an adjustment..tune-up..whatever his reasons were I just stayed out of it...And was thankful he called..without my interference.

My fear..and will always be that he dies from this Fuc#$%^ Disease..I have my own solid recovery going but you can't take the Mamma completely out of me.

It was a week of reminders( trigger) of this fear..As my Journey with another horrendous disease took a nose dive..I just can't get past that 5 year Cancer Free Mark even after 4 battles with it..Like my Journey with his addiction, I have come to terms with that and just live one day at time..Actually 3 months at a time..this third month check-up..which would have resulted in the 5 year cancer free Party..did not happen..I will remain optimistic..till the biopsy is scheduled and final results are in..But those fears crept in..Am I going to ever beat this monster!!

So I decided to grab my dog and head for the shore.. my healing place..I did not make it..Out of the blue the tears started to flow and I had to pull over..As my dog lovingly licked away my tears..I thought wow..where did that come from..So pity party over..I'm going to try this again.

Please keep my family in your thoughts and prayers..send positive vibes..I never share these moments..I find people are uncomfortable around me if I mention it..same as Mentioning my son is an addict..That one I have overcome..and try to educate anybody and everybody who will listen..My own..well it is a very rare too much to explain..hard for people to understand..

So next week I head over to see my Handsome Cancer Specialist..Put on my Gloria Gaynor song " I will Survive"..and let him get a little piece of me..xoxo

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Orange Is The New Black

One of the words we hear quite often in Addictions is the term Natural Consequences.As parents this is something we must adhere too!! It could very well be the time when our loved ones see the light.The term can mean almost anything from breaking rules..not respecting boundary's..more often tho it refers to problems with the court system.

Sometimes their past can come back to haunt them ( as in my son's case).As much as you want to step in and help..DON'T
  • Do not under any circumstances pay for their lawyer..they have manipulated and stolen enough off you.
  • Do not believe for one minute they are innocent..that it wasn't theirs.. it was Johnny's..That they paid for it and didn't have a receipt or bag.. because they are saving the environment !
  • Let them experience first hand their natural consequences.
  • Do or Do not go to the sentencing hearing for support..It can be heartbreaking seeing your loved one shuffling out with leg shackles & prepared..Yes they need to know you still love them..just be prepared..I wasn't. But I will be this time!!
  • Do not give them canteen not cave into the pleas for money so they can buy pop & chips..a better toothbrush..etc..Remember, they are not going on vacation to a luxury spa !! Let them suffer the consequences while YOU take the Spa Vacation.. while they are safely locked up off the streets..clean..getting perhaps programs to help them..with plenty of time to reflect on the actions this disease has brought with it..Maybe..Just maybe..It is what they needed to reach & maintain recovery!!If you do give them money..It may very well go to purchasing drugs..yes Mamma they sell drugs in Jail & drugs !! 
  • I wish each person who's petty crimes while active in their addiction,was given the opportunity to be sentenced to Rehab..That would be my wish in a perfect world.
  • Remember to continue to offer support..and let them always know you love them..xo

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Open Minds

I have read many blogs on this subject so this post is not unique.In fact last month I addressed it in another post " Mines Bigger Than Yours"..I do not think for a sec, my posts will change anybody's mind, but this divide among treatment choices is causing harm.

My Thought process on Addiction will always be..what works for one..does not work for all!!!

We also have to be open to moving forward with the times..Not that the old ways do not work..but new treatment options do also.

What I am seeing in public blatant discrimination..and Judgement..Like we don't have enough of that from the public..Do we really need that among our own movement? I think not!

Some believe those with addiction issues need to hit rock bottom before seeking help,  ..The new research has shown that could mean..and has meant..death..Why not bring the bottom up ? 

Educate yourselves on the facts of treatment not believe everything you read...many are in it to sell their product..recovery homes..Rehab facilities..detox..etc.. To Make Money...Just as our addicts tell us many tales to get our will those who are in the business,promising to "Cure" Our Loved Ones.

Do Your Homework

My concern is for those reaching out for treatment options..Just be happy they are reaching happy they reach recovery..Advocate for your loved ones.. Encourage..Support..But do not try and control which treatment they chose...

Sometimes it takes many options combined to reach recovery.

It will be a journey of adding and subtracting..take what works..leave the rest..add something different..there is no magic fix..Trust the process..It could be a long one..But well worth it !!

Do not share your fears..negative thoughts..prejudices about the treatment..this will only make our loved ones second guess themselves..which in turn stymies their progress or hope of recovery..No" I told you so's " if it doesn't work! There is evidence based treatment that have proven different options work..from experts in the field of addictions..there are new options.."hope..fully"..there will more on the horizon..don't close your minds off to just one..what works for one..does not always work for another..
"This is fear mongering on the backs of our loved ones"

Stepping off my soapbox..xoxo

Monday, May 12, 2014

The Mani

Not the nice relaxing manicure..But, the I am still here ...Mani-pu-lation !!

"When the words they speak compliment the actions you see"...They are truly on their way in recovery!

I hate Addiction

Even on Mother's Day it has to rear it's ugly head just to let you know...I'm still here.

Although his many, many, attempts did not did dampen the day..for my Hubby..I was able to keep on smiling..I did not engage..I did not even speak..I just kept on eating and smiling as they both bantered back and forth..It's going to be a Lonnnnnnnnng recovery Journey for this boy.

I admit to maybe... "whispering"... as I was chewing... a few choice words... they were inaudible !

Since I have chosen to work on my own recovery and let others work on their's it has brought me alot of peace...

Addiction loves it when we are weak & full of fear, both physically & mentally exausted..It thrives in that atmosphere with the
loved ones...Hopefully someday that monster will just move on..That Mamma does not live there anymore...xoxo

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Happy Mother's Day

For many this is the day to honor your Mamma's,whether it be cards,flower's,dinner out the family..It is the day, once a year to show her, we/you appreciate and love her.

I loved Mother's day when the kids were small..I loved the home made cards & gifts..the verses that did not rhyme..My favorite gift was always the biggest bouquet of Dandelions my son's could pick ! To this day it is my favorite flower.I loved spoiling my own Mom on this day..Since she is no longer with us,There is always a bit of sadness on this day.

This year I got a Special Gift from my oldest son..It was a box filled with homemade cards & homemade gifts, Made by my grandchildren...Love Love Love!!!

My Youngest son gave me the journey of recovery..His & Mine... and Dinner at my fav Restaurant.. on his dime !

If you see me out and about today, I will not be hard to spot..I will be wearing my dangling heart ear rings made out of play-do..10 para-cord bracelets of every color of the rainbow..A crochet head band with a Gerber Daisy pinned on the side..I will be carrying a canvas Purse with hand written messages from all of them..What more could a Mamma want !! I am Truly Blessed !

I do know for some Mother's, this will be a difficult day...I spent many Mother's Days with an absent son...You will be in my Thoughts & prayers...xoxo

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's !


Thursday, May 8, 2014

The Purse Poll

I was listening to our local radio station this morning and they mentioned a poll that had been conducted.They had polled a 1,000 women,asking the question " What do you Carry in your purse?" The answers were the typical "necessities" women would need.
Curling Iron
phones etc etc..
Clean underwear
 It hit me then... none of the above is any longer in my purse !! I have no room for them!

For Women who are living with a loved one with Addiction...We Carry a much bigger purse these days !
I did not even have to dump out my purse..I know Exactly what's in it ! 
  • Kleenex-not a few-the whole dang box
  • My Journal and at least 10 pens
  • 2 cans of Red Bull
  • My cell phone
  • My Ipad
  • My e-reader
  • All my Jewellery
  • My Rosary Beads
  • My Worry Beads
  • My Lucky Charm's
  • A family picture before Addiction came calling
  • A picture of my son after Addiction came calling!
  • Bear spray ( ya never know who may come crashing through your door)
  • All the medications in the house
  • All my cards and my son's health card
  • An Epi-pen
  • A Narcan Kit
  • At home pee tests
  • Keys..for everything.. Including the safe which used to be a combination type..But I'm getting old and could not remember the numbers,we would change them so many times,so now we have a key-lock one.
  • My Grama's good silver ( minus the spoons) 
You get the picture..I used to love shopping for purses..a different purse for each outfit..a different color..A different style..I still have them tucked away..But it is not so easy changing purses these days..My only priority nowadays is get the Biggest purse you can find..preferably with padded shoulder straps as it never leaves my body..except at is tucked under my pillow with a big bell attached, so I can hear ,if it is being moved ! After my hubby goes to sleep... I slip the laptop under his pillow..I am so very grateful my son is in recovery before I graduated to a suitcase on wheels!! I used to notice other women's & gush over them..Now I notice sizes of purses and wonder..Hmmm do they have a loved one with Addiction ?

This is the sad reality..Many of you will understand..and those who don't..will never understand..xoxo

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Step This Way

Today my son approached me to have a chat..a heart to heart with Mamma..No, it wasn't about his addiction..It was about reconciling with his old girlfriend.I have made it a rule not to get involved in his relationship woes ever again..but I did want... secretly, to know how things were going..without asking..soooo I just sat and listened..In my head I had many scenario's playing out and ALOT of bad memories popping was not a healthy relationship..for either of them! He surprised me, by telling me "He" had decided there was too much baggage..and a lot of stuff he did not want to revisit with her. His recovery was shaky at best and he did not want to set off any triggers or stress that would put this in jeopardy..Hallelujah !!

He did think tho he should start reaching out to make new friends..As much as he loved us.. hanging out with just us..was..getting a bit boring !! ( guess I'll have to find a new boxing partner for the Wii )

 As much as I wanted to say, do you think your ready ? I didn't..I only gave him positive feedback..stressing that part of his recovery was indeed ridding yourself of the old..and embracing the new..I am encouraged by this step..xoxo

Monday, May 5, 2014

One Year

Wow it has been 1 year since I started my Blog..Happy Birthday !

I kinda feel like the Phoenix..You recreate yourself..You must in order to survive  and heal!!

It was a year of learning,some by own doing, My son's..but most of all, by the help of others.

There is no one who can understand this Journey unless they have, or are, living it! You don't learn this stuff in books..It is a combination of all learning styles..most of us have our own and we all know how we learn best,whether it be Visual,Auditory,Logical,Solitary,Social or Physical..Trust me... in order to heal from this TRIP you must become of a master of all!!

I have met the most amazing people,who otherwise,in a "Normal" life our paths would never have crossed !!
It was desperation and fear ( for both my son's life and my own) That prompted me to reach out.

It wasn't and isn't.. always a bowl full of Cherry's..but nothing worth fighting for rarely is.

I have listened tho...took what worked for me..and left the is indeed an individual learning process !

But I am here a year later,Thanks to Friends..Incredible Human beings..those in Recovery,  Those still active in their addiction, And those like myself, standing beside those who need us the most!!..They are my Hero's..My Anchor's..My Family..I once read It does not matter whose DNA is combined with who..when everything goes to hell,The people who stand beside you without flinching are your Family.I am now part of a New family !

I still have bad days..but they are better bad days ;)

When you have always been the strong one,the caregiver,the nurturer,the Mamma..Addiction certainly tells you quickly you are now..... none of the above! You are nothing more than a means,A vessel,to get that next fix!! That... my friends takes alot of unlearning..and relearning !

I love my son's equally..I have raised two strong, passionate sons,with high morals and values. One who now has children of his own..Who never judged nor begrudged the time spent,the toll and time it takes in dealing with his brother's addiction.I am so proud of the man he became!! I hope and I hope some more, that someday, my youngest son ,will be free from the demons that haunt his soul and reclaim that same man I raised.. I know is in there!! 

I am..... a work in progress..


I am still MammaP..xoxo

Thursday, May 1, 2014

The Doors are Open

The 3C's Family Support Group is about to open their doors !
You didn't cause it!
You control it!
You Can't cure it! 

You can find all the information about it here 3 C's FAMILY SUPPORT GROUP *Starts May 6 at 7:00!!

A much needed service!!
They are quick to say they are not professionals Just concerned parents..It is not to replace Counseling ..but to compliment it, by being surrounded with other family members going through the same.Sounds like it will be a safe place to open up with people that,like many of us, feel alone & stigmatized..Congrats & Best of Luck to these 2 Ladies!!