Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Kick Me

Yes and make it with a pair of steel toed work boots. It's all about the boots.
What actually started off as a good day, ended like most days lately with drama.
My son started back to work..Happy Day..because I never thought, in a million years, he would make it this far..and be actually strong enough to do it..But he did.
What a nice peaceful day...He stopped in after work.We actually had a good visit,A normal conversation,He actually ate & left!!
Fast forward to an hour later,Pitter Patter of big feet down the hall,
my boss just called,Health & Safety will be performing checks tomorrow at work and I need a new pair of work boots.
Conversation kinda went like this:
Then the dance began,he said all the right things,I gave in,Dad did not.Ut Ohhhh!!
So off we went to purchase a pair of steel toed work boots,csa approved.
He did not try and get me to purchase top of the line,which I expected him to do & then I was going to walk out in my 5.00 flip flops!! Purchase went smoothly.He Thanked me,went on his merry way.I was actually going to tell him he had to stop in here on his way to work so I could see he had the boots on..But I zipped it..That would be manipulating..right ? Just ignore the fact that I enabled him by buying the GD boots!!

Hubby was sooo angry with me..I just bought him 100.00 boots that he was going to sell and buy drugs with..Maybe I did,but it was a chance I was willing to take,Cause maybe..Just maybe I didn't, better yet..he wouldn't!! I was willing to take that chance,he is sober,he is starting work,he has no money,he promised to pay me back( no laughing please),I had to take a chance on him.I wonder if he will ever realize the stress his addiction causes us...our marriage..I hope so!!

Well 20 minutes ago he walked in here on his way to work...wait for it...wait..YES!! He had the new work boots on!!
That's not to say I was right..and Hubby was wrong...I went with my gut on this one.


Monday, July 29, 2013

Beheading The Snake

As I read our daily paper this morning,Our small little Island has one of highest Crime rates in Canada...No Surprise there!! After all we also have one the highest numbers of Addicts per Capita .How you ask, is this even slightly related to your recovery?? Well it's like this...As part of my recovery, I have decided to join forces with a group of Mom's..Dad's to fight for better addiction  treatment with the powers that be, regarding our children's Addiction issues.Thus it helps me to feel like I am doing my part in this battle.Frustrating as it is...It is kinda like dealing with the addict themselves..Hear no Evil..See No Evil..Speak No Evil !! They always have an answer..Of the course the answer is always Money,or rather lack of.

One of the statements made when asked why they are not cracking down harder on the main land drug dealers was " They wanted the little guys to lead them to" Mr.Big".They feel it is better to cut the head off the snake.Well so far the snakes have eluded them.Why not work on what feeds the snakes!!! Fills his belly...make him shed his skin and slink away to another hunting ground!!

Most of our children at some point in their addiction, have resorted to selling drugs to feed their own addictions...Not something we want to hear..or believe..But it is true.It is our children that are filling the snakes' belly.So why not work from the tail up..After all there is more than one way to skin a snake!!!

Saturday, July 27, 2013


I am not even going to go into detail...After his reprieve yesterday...today was another day of surprises. Not good ones either...Does it ever stop ?...I have to work harder on distancing myself from him. I am too emotionally exhausted to even think. When my brothers were small( I am the oldest and only girl)They had this blow up clown with a weight in the bottom...Kinda a punching bag thingie...every time they punched ,it bounced back up..and they repeated the process..over and over again till they tired of it..Or the Air got knocked out it... God I hated that thing...Well I am out of air...No more bounce left in me.

Friday, July 26, 2013


Well today was the Day..Court..The Charges were stayed..which means..no charges..UNLESS..within the next year he gets into trouble again..these charges can again be laid...So double trouble.My Heart is Happy,My Head is doing ,What????
He did it his way,fought it all the way to trial,and won.I hope he realizes this was a gift and treats it as so,getting his life straight.Will he? Only he knows and holds the power to answer that.I will take it one day at a time,Continue to work on my own recovery,and hope and pray he does the same.I am telling you that boy has a horseshoe up his butt!!

Thursday, July 25, 2013


Yesterday I made our Appt. with the Legislative Assembly,to share with them our families story with Addiction and why things need to change.We have chosen a private session vs sharing in the public session, for our son's privacy,and not to protect us, as we are so over the hiding!!

As I was thinking about our journey and what we were going to share, I remembered a Blog I came across about 4 years ago when I suspected our son was using, but still so very much ignorant .I found it very hard to read.                                                        
                                                                                                                                             It is his innermost thoughts,honest,scary,heartwarming,sad and yes, even humorous at times.I really did not finish reading it all, for a few years.The reason why I am bringing it up now is to point out...As an Island,Province we have made very little progress in treatment of Addiction Since Reggies writings began in 1998.

This is the Addy of the blog mereggie-the story of reggiemacdonald 
Every time I revisit it I cry...It could be my son..It is his path so far, no different..different name perhaps..same Journey,same treatment options, I hope to God not the same ending!! 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Another Tool

For Those of us new to the blogging word,but not new to addiction, we are always reading,searching out new Blogs,Ways to help our Children.Early on I was given the addy of this blog written by a Dad, by another Mom In the same battle.

Addiction Journal

  Which has helped more than I can Say...What I get out of it is, straight talk..no frills..Hope. The Good news for me..and many others I am sure, is he has now started a Bulletin Board..A Place to go to ask questions....Share our knowledge...Or learn from our lack of knowledge...This is the Info.

New Message Board

To use the message board/ discussion forum
1. register at http://addictionjournal.net/wp-login.php?action=register
2. wait for confirmation email ( please check spam/ junk mail folder if you dont receive )
You should only have to register once.
3 on that email you receive there will be a user name and password (auto-generated ) and a link to login ( you may wish to favorite )
go to that link http://addictionjournal.net/wp-login.php
4 After logging in you can change passwords and update information if desired. ( Edit my settings in top right hand corner )
5. While logged in visit http://addictionjournal.net/forums/ which will take you to the topics


Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Grand Central Station

Just A typical day in our Home,Grand Central Station !
I am sitting with one of my beautiful nieces this morning having a chat about her new Adventure,When I hear a Voice coming down the hall" Honey I am Home" ( hubby back from a 3 day hiatus at the cottage)exact same Time, back door opens " Morning Mamma ".

 We are all sitting around having a nice visit,Variety of topics, of which none included drugs,addiction,money.This is how it should be right ? RINNNNNNG,I answered,My Son's Lawyer.Seems they have decided to drop the serious charge,If he pleads guilty to the lesser one.No Jail time, A fine,probation,no contact order for term of probation.The Kitchen Table gang became quiet as he announced this news.Then he announced his news...No F#@$ way..Going to fight this...We want to be together!! RINNNNNNNNNNG.Again I answer,Pharmacy,Son's methadone is starting on the decrease starting tomorrow.Ook..Must be due to that clean pee test he told me about !! Passed on the Message,He never missed a beat,Must be a mistake,I will clear that up tomorrow!                                            
                                                                                                         As I looked around the now quiet table,trying to read everyone thoughts,read their expressions,I spoke up .  I announced I was expecting.A new furry bundle of joy would be arriving in a month.Smiles were once again on the faces,On the outside anyway.

As I walked my niece to the front door..hugs..kisses..love you's..She said.."Breathe"...Guess my facial expression was the easiest to read.Next time we will do Coffee in a " Real Coffee Shop". As I walked back down the Hall I could hear my Hubby say,Times up Budd,Off you go..Back door shuts..Breathe..


For some reason this struck a cord with me..I think it applies to both my Son & I.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Back Up

After rereading my post from last night I need to back up..Look at what I had posted...Have I learned nothing!! My comment about people speaking up is so wrong...On so many levels...The main one being...This was me a few months ago!!! Now I am judging others who remain silent...wrong wrong wrong...I am judging...wrong wrong wrong...I know why they do not speak..fear..humilation..self blame..being judged..labels..so many reasons...
Shame on me !!!

Sunday, July 21, 2013

My Irish is Up

In more ways than one...I had this feeling...and today's visit just confirmed it...although he said he was suffering from the Flu..My God Man I am in the nursing profession...You do not have the flu...After a half hour in the bathroom with the water running and claims he was puking up his guts..I made him leave...Bloody kleenex and needle cover half hidden in a toilet roll...Flu...Funny thinks to puke up!!
I knew as his court date was approaching things were going get rough...I was just hoping against all that I learned..He would remain clean...After he left he went to the cottage to Visit his father..we take turns..isn't that sad..because we are scared to leave the house unattended...His Dad called...do you think he is using...I know he is using...His choice..His consequences...We have to look after us...No tears..No desperate talks about what are going to do...He has the Tools..he knows how to use them...one day at a time..Easy to say now...

The Hardest part for me is reading others Blogs...Let me just say a positive first..They have helped me more than I can say..They are helping me heal...helping me become stronger... Give me hope...But the hard part is reading about the sober livings...The rehabs..The help available for their children...When none of that is available to our children...This is what sets us apart from other provinces...Other country's...Today while visiting our Island Addiction Page another Mom had posted her e-mail to the powers that be...Pleading for help...Sharing info with them, showing the benefits of treatment...Long term treatment..our long term treatment is 10 days of detox..Then..Out you go!! Our sober living is 30 days...ONE sober living home for men in our City..Which has a 3 month waiting period !! This is what makes me scared..This is what makes me second guess my decisions..This is what gives me nightmares of him dying!! There is little help out there for our children!! Am I making excuses..Or is this a legitimate reason to step in and do all I can to save him...AS another Mother put it...we were Ranked the Most beautiful Beaches in Canada...How About another Title..The Province who provides the greatest Healing for our Kids...Oh yeah..That costs Money!!

I looked at the membership numbers of our group 247...19 people actually looked at it...only 2 commented on it!!! How are we supposed to get changes made when we remain silent..smarten up people!!!! There is power in numbers...We have..Our Children have a god giving right to help!!! Speak up !! It is an open group..we have Politicians as members..They are watching...reading..and here we sit..Silence..So why would they bother to help us...WEll that felt good to get out...release some of that tension of today...We will see how this all unfolds..Think Positive..

After a soul searching Day and a sleepless night I have decided NOT to testify.I have come to far in "My" recovery to do this.I refuse to be dragged into something that is not my Business.Six Short weeks ago I would have and did everything and anything to "help" my son,To save Him,To get him into treatment.Well he is clean now...In recovery and he, alone, must walk this road.This Court date being the second step...reaching for help being the first.

I will support him but not in court.She is Also going to testify..Let her do the right thing and tell the truth...Let him tell the truth and all will work out.I was not there..I was left with aftermath.Typical user mentality...Let Mom clean this up...Not this time!!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

What to Do ?

If 40 degrees isn't hard enough to breathe in...My day has just gotten worse.Looks like I am not going to be a bystander next week...I am being called to testify..I am sick over this...On my Hubby and I's 33 yr anniversary...Yep Happy Day...All because after the incident that night she came to our house hysterical and told me what happened..which is different from the statement she gave half an hour before. I am not going to lie..But I do not wish to participate...This all happened because of his drug use !!! I am so torn..Why did they get me involved..why do they need me?? Who really knows what is true or not...Only them...What do I do???????
Because he is now clean,
They both want to get back together again after this...I just want a normal life..A peaceful..calm..drama free...Life. I want to Celebrate our anniversary..How many couples reach this milestone today..I do not want to sit in court..possibly watch my son being shackled and led off to Jail...Not what I had envisioned 33 years ago....

Friday, July 19, 2013


10 minutes with my son and I am exhausted!! I truly have not seen any progress in his recovery other than he is on the methadone. It has been a month now..Maybe I am expecting to much,to fast...Maybe he just isn't into recovery as I much I am..Or "I" think he should be !!
 2 days of visits..both days I kept my answers simple..short..or I changed the subject if the subject was something I did not want to get into...Or..like today..I went to bed !! Left him sitting there with his father..Not nice I know..But I can only listen..and keep quiet so long...better to slip out..then lose it right!! Just as supper was finishing..there he was..back again..he is like a fart in a mitt..can't keep still..talk talk talk..on easily 10-15 subjects in 10 mins..This is the ADHD...I have encouraged him,when he starts working to get a gym membership..help burn off some of that energy...Of course we all know what came next...I won't get my first check for a month..maybe you could buy me one..I was thinking about it..It might help..when the next sentence was I also would need new gym clothes...extra money for the gas...I need new work boots..I have no milk..Maybe when I start working you could co-sign for a new car for me....I screamed silently...I smiled....Put on my sneaks and went for a walk..when I came home..he was gone. Nite Nite..Zzzzzz

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Step By Step

 Soooo..Since my own progress is so stunted & erratic, I have decided to take on a new approach in my recovery...Working on only 1 aspect of it at a time...For Me the Biggie is learning to keep my thoughts,opinions,motherly advice to myself.It brings me so much frustration,sadness,helplessness & anger, It halts me from moving forward..sideways..anyways ... except backward !! The first step in accomplishing this is actually admitting it is a problem..Got that one in the Bag...Yep I know it is Problem !! I haven't quite figured out the how yet..But hopefully over time it will fall into place. I need to make a list..write things down..figure out why I react and how is it working for me..well it's not working at all..and the only person getting hurt in this exercise of futility is me!! I will have to mother from afar...

I guess I haven't quite grasped the whole process of " Letting Go". I think for everyone the definition is different..I could never Fully Let go..The Same for" Enabling". I have made significant progress on this one...And I am proud of myself for doing so!! He also understands this will no longer happen...Does not keep him from trying tho..But the attempts are much less frequent & much less infused with Drama!!

I have to listen more...Think more...Walk Away...Before I speak. I will have to take a page out of my Hubby's( The Quiet One) Book.He just knows how to push my buttons..I will work on this..I do not react in anger anymore( In front of him).
 We have a very stressful week coming up.Actually he has a very stressful week coming up,I will be a bystander...Not a participant. Again it is his actions ( he does not see this) that has landed him in this position and any advice I would give, would only fall on deaf ears , as he is not taking responsibility for any of it.
 I will take it one day at time..and bite my tongue.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

The Neverending Story

Well after a 4 day hiatus from addiction..and it's issues I return back home, no less peaceful or calmer.It wasn't actually a hiatus..he called..many times...he showed up..under the guise of needing something ...and talked..and talked..about his current situation.."his" definition of recovery..His love life..etc. Why does he insist on talking to me about these things when any advice..thoughts..I give, he quickly rejects..He is always right..Yep that's why Life is so great for you at the moment..Cause you are making all the right decisions!!
 I have to learn to Zip it !! 
Being" Clean" & in " Recovery" Has just brought a whole new set of problems...Yes I am absolutely ecstatic he is back on the program...Now I have to listen to ...You and Dad said you would support me in recovery!!
His definition of  support and ours are on completely different fields..His is financial...Always about the money..Ours is more on the emotional level..However we do still pay for his methadone..I think 600.00 a month is significant financial support...He thinks he needs to live a little higher on hog...He is starting work in a few weeks...he will pay us back..he needs to enjoy a few weeks before work starts...Not gonna happen..Not on our dime..When my boys were small their favorite Video was " The Neverending Story". The Title..Not the Movie..keeps scrolling across my brain.....

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Runaway Mamma

 I have decided to Runaway...Been a tough week of losses and ended yesterday with A not so good visit from my Son.Conflict from the moment he walked in! I will not go into detail about the whole conversation other than to say..Where is this Boys head??? He is still clean..But his brain is not functioning on any level of responsibility..Always everyone else's fault.
 So I have decided to runaway..Back to my little cottage by the Sea for a few days...Put some distance between Him & I.

Friday, July 12, 2013

The Visits'

Today, my son, is 3 weeks back on the Methadone Program...For this I am Grateful beyond words!
During his daily visit ( yes he comes by everyday..and calls me..When he doesn't, I know something is amiss).He told me he would have his first "clean" Pee test in many many months.Keeping my fingers crossed....for his sake.These visits drain me...One of the reasons ,I realize, is because of the small City..Province we live in..Which is in deep denial about the serious drug situation we are facing.The papers are full of drug related offences, The Radio,The News,The streets,everywhere you look it is in your face.The problem for me..him..It is a topic of conversation daily..Did you hear? Did you See? Did you Read? The sad thing is We know almost all of these Families being Ravaged by this disease!! Yes there are many pro's about small town living..But like everything, there are con's also. Although I have a rule..No talk about drugs..it always somehow creeps into the conversation.
 He got his call back for work...Two weeks..Physically he should be back in shape...Mentally...I am not sure..His recovery?..Just the Methadone program. I have quit asking about meetings..counselling..It just upsets me to hear the answers..excuses..reasoning's..After all his recovery is his own!!! ( yep I said that!! )
He looks so much more healthier..Is actually eating food
He now admits to have addiction problems
He is actually wearing short-sleeved T-Shirts
I am Happy to see him looking better ..not seeing the addict who was at death's door, 3 short weeks ago.
I will embrace these changes...Offer support..Encouragement..
He has many Obstacles still to overcome...Which he seems to be in complete denial about..The possibility of Jail time being one of them..In the last 2 weeks alone there have been 27 of our children sent to Jail or prison on drug related charges...25 of these we either knew ..or know a family member..Sad Sad Sad. There are no programs offered in Jail to help them..needless to say the Jail is massively overcrowded...And worst..they all know each other..It is like one Big reunion when they go in!! So they come out..No better..maybe worse then when they entered..My Thought for today..I have this hanging on my kitchen wall...It has a double meaning now !!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

A Powerful Poem

I borrowed this poem from our Island Addiction Movement..It is just to powerful not to share!!

I am the Mother of an Addict

This is not like being the mother of a child with cancer, diabetes, or aids
This is not like being the mother of a child who is serving with honor in a foreign land
This is not like being the mother of a child who lives no more and is mourned by all

I am the Mother of an Addict
There are no marathons or fund raisers for this disease, no sweet girls selling cookies
There are no flags flying, or bumper stickers to proudly acknowledge my child's deeds
There are only tears and silent screams, dread of what the next knock or phone call brings

I am the Mother of an Addict
I see my child and I am not glad, for though I ache to save my child, with relief I let them go
I see my child with fear and suspicion, as I hear all they say and I can but endlessly hope
I see my child and wonder will I ever know them again, hold them again, see them again

I am the Mother of an Addict
They say it is not my fault, that I did nothing wrong, there's little I can do
They say it is not my child's fault, just a disease of disgrace, with no pity, no cure
They say be strong, but my life stands still and my friends and relatives move on

I am the Mother of an Addict
I watch the rest of my family suffer with sorrow and pain through the addiction
I watch the evening news and cringe as another mothers addict child is arrested and called scum
I watch a young man beg for change, for food and know he could be my own

I am the Mother of an Addict
I remember the smiles and look at pictures of my sweet little child
I remember the hugs, and kisses, the scrapped knees, the soccer games
I remember their plans, their goals, their hopes and dreams.

I am the Mother of an Addict
I look for child to come home, to call, and so I do not sleep
I look for my child to find the strength to battle this terrible disease
I look for solace, for help, for a cure and I grasp at what straws of promise I can.

I am the Mother of an Addict
And I hope, in endless hope for future free from drugs
And I hope in restless sleep of a way out of this nightmare
And I hope, and I pray, and I cry, and I plead, but always,
I love my child.

(shared from my friend Debbie who loves her son)


 This has been an extremely rough week emotionally...We lost both our precious pets within Days each of each other.Our Cat with Purrrsonality plus had to be put down on Monday due to Kidney & Liver Failure.Although we knew it was coming, as we watched him failing within the last few months,It was very difficult..He had a great life of 18 years.Both my sons took it very hard ,after all he was around for most of their lives.
 Our Dog followed very closely yesterday.He suffered from Arthritis for a few years now,along with Cancer.A German Shepard who was my Baby..When he went down yesterday and could not get back up I knew..Against all odds I was hoping a magic pill would fix him..I was willing to shell out any amount of money to make him better..But it was not to be..My Vet explained along with the arthritic hips & tumors he also had spinal damage due to the toll of the arthritis..He would not be able to walk without excruciating pain..The choice was made..He was 13.As I wrote in a previous post about him...He has gotten me thro many a rough times and always gave that unconditional Love.
 They got to spend their last weeks at the cottage that they both loved dearly..They will be missed..xo

Wednesday, July 10, 2013


It has been a little over a month since I started this Blog...Am I making progress ?

Some days I think I am...Other days Not so much!!
I just can't keep that mothering instinct down!!
I am having difficulty separating the Addict from my son.
I have to get it..for all of us..Otherwise I am just spinning my wheels..going nowhere.
It seems like I take one step forward...and Two steps back.
If I don't see or hear from him for a few days I seem to start to heal...Think more clearly..
Then..the longer the abstinence..The panic sets in..and back I go.
I have to remember that the Addiction is stronger than me..stronger than him.
I can't kiss his booboo's anymore and make them better.
I can't give him motherly advice...he knows it all..or tunes me out.
I can't have a normal Mother/son relationship..It is full of manipulation & lies.
I can't get through to him !! 
I have made Baby steps.
I know he Cannot Live at home anymore(Except for short stints)            I know only he can reach for recovery.
I do not.. under any circumstances give him money ( while he is actively using)
I Offer only Support.
I do know Addiction is a Disease..I HATE IT!!!!!
I do know I am not alone!!
I am not a bad Parent!!
I love my son...and I hate the Addict...

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

His Choice

Week 2 of my vacation began with the arrival of my Oldest Son & My Grand Daughter.It also began week 2 of my youngest son's, 3rd attempt at the Methadone program.
I must say there is nothing like a wee one to keep you busy both mentally & physically!
We were busy..Blissfully busy..Lots of sun...beach time..story times..Family time.
Thursday we decided to have a family Bar-B-cue.Inviting both hubby's family & mine to share a day with lots of good food & good Fun & lots of love.Eventually the question came up should we invite my youngest son ?
My oldest son was hesitant at first..Did not want to see him..hear from him..or have him anywhere near his daughter.As much as it saddened me to hear these words, I totally understood. After all this was his week with us. He did not want any drama. Two weeks clean does not a" Recovering" Addict make! He had every right to ask, he not, be invited,Then why did" I" feel so dammed Terrible about that decision.He relented..Ok ask him..But just for supper. I think he did want to see him...even if it was only to see the horrid physical shape he is in...Give credence to my words that he was in bad shape and how I had feared for his life.

So the call was made...Inviting him out for supper...spend time with his brother..neice..Aunts, Uncles, Just a day surrounded with Love & Support ( In my mind). Somedays I can be so naive..Like I have never learned a thing on this Journey..Or.. is it that there is always that hope lurking in the background,Today will be the day.. someone..will say that magic word..that finally gets to him...WEll no fear of that of that..He never showed up..First of all..Supper wasn't enough...he wanted to spend the night..No..Just supper..Someone would pick him up & drive him back. He would see..he would call me back. He never did that night. Of course his name came up constantly...Was he coming...how was he doing..etc. We managed to be honest..he was asked..he obviously declined..Was it because he wasn't ready to face everyone ? Was it because he did not get his own way..we will never never know...The Family Bar-B-Cue went on without him with great success..was he missed..yes.

Next day..He called..Just wondering if he could come out today...No...You were invited yesterday..you did not show...He decided to go to another beach with a girl instead...choices..His choices. It was our last Day with our Son & baby...we were going to enjoy it!! Told him We loved him...See him when we returned home.
Even on vacation you are never far from that drama of addiction.One word..One action..One phone call..Can bring it all Roaring back in..I think I handled it all quite well...I did enjoy my vacation..It was a wonderful respite...A time of reflection..filled with love and support of  my Family..I Felt a calmness coming home..I have not felt Calm in a few years !!

Monday, July 8, 2013


Vacation is over and Reality is kicking back in...If I am talking Reality...It never really left...My Vacation started with myself, Dog & Cat.My Hubby stayed at the house with my son as he was starting back on the Methadone Program..Umm yes, we let him move back in, while he got back into the program & got thro the first week back on the program.I let his Dad handle him this week.I did not take his calls..My Hubby came out to the Cottage each night for supper..Then back to the house with our son. It was an experience for my Hubby, as It is usually" Moi" that handles my son & his issues.My Hubby is just coming to terms with the word "Addiction".  Baptism by Fire !

My Family Doctor Called me after the first appt to restart on the Methadone Program.He Always likes to have a Family consult so everyone is on board..Understands..encourages further treatment such as NA..counselling etc. Seems I was missing..Was I ok ?..Seems the men in my Family did not know why I missing from the meeting ??? Duhhhh !!! After explaining I was on Vacation from Addiction...He said " It is about time". He was however concerned, that all my son did was try & manipulate, the whole meeting..how much methadone he needed...how soon to up the dose.. how often he would be pee tested..how soon he should get Carry's..etc..etc..etc..Hubby just sat there..asked no questions. I assured him he would be ok...he just needs time to become a willing participant in my son's addiction.He then got it..why Mamma was absent! Enjoy Your Vacation!! 

Each night my Hubby looked worse & worse when he came out for supper...He would talk & talk about about his day..what my son said..what he did..what he didn't do..I kept silent..just serving out the supper..smiling..Trying so dam hard not to interject and give him advice..But I did it..I remained silent!!
The final night of his week long stint with my son he looked at me and said..I got it..Hmmmm..what did you get? You need me..OH yes I do!! You can no longer sit on the sidelines...in denial..in silence...I can no longer be the Center of the team being crushed..and expected to keep getting up..dusting myself off and doing it all over again ( God I hate football). We need to be a team!! Back each other up...Offense..Defense..Special Teams!!

As we prepared for the second week of Cottage Time..together..Awaiting the arrival of my oldest son & my Sweet grandbabeee..we planned the valuable time to be spent enjoying them...This week was Ours!!
Yep..Tune in tomorrow...