I just can't keep that mothering instinct down!!
I am having difficulty separating the Addict from my son.
I have to get it..for all of us..Otherwise I am just spinning my wheels..going nowhere.
It seems like I take one step forward...and Two steps back.
If I don't see or hear from him for a few days I seem to start to heal...Think more clearly..
Then..the longer the abstinence..The panic sets in..and back I go.
I have to remember that the Addiction is stronger than me..stronger than him.
I can't kiss his booboo's anymore and make them better.
I can't give him motherly advice...he knows it all..or tunes me out.
I can't have a normal Mother/son relationship..It is full of manipulation & lies.
I can't get through to him !!
I have made Baby steps.
I know he Cannot Live at home anymore(Except for short stints) I know only he can reach for recovery.
I do not.. under any circumstances give him money ( while he is actively using)
I Offer only Support.
I do know Addiction is a Disease..I HATE IT!!!!!
I do know I am not alone!!
I am not a bad Parent!!
I love my son...and I hate the Addict...