Tuesday, July 9, 2013

His Choice

Week 2 of my vacation began with the arrival of my Oldest Son & My Grand Daughter.It also began week 2 of my youngest son's, 3rd attempt at the Methadone program.
I must say there is nothing like a wee one to keep you busy both mentally & physically!
We were busy..Blissfully busy..Lots of sun...beach time..story times..Family time.
Thursday we decided to have a family Bar-B-cue.Inviting both hubby's family & mine to share a day with lots of good food & good Fun & lots of love.Eventually the question came up should we invite my youngest son ?
My oldest son was hesitant at first..Did not want to see him..hear from him..or have him anywhere near his daughter.As much as it saddened me to hear these words, I totally understood. After all this was his week with us. He did not want any drama. Two weeks clean does not a" Recovering" Addict make! He had every right to ask, he not, be invited,Then why did" I" feel so dammed Terrible about that decision.He relented..Ok ask him..But just for supper. I think he did want to see him...even if it was only to see the horrid physical shape he is in...Give credence to my words that he was in bad shape and how I had feared for his life.

So the call was made...Inviting him out for supper...spend time with his brother..neice..Aunts, Uncles, Just a day surrounded with Love & Support ( In my mind). Somedays I can be so naive..Like I have never learned a thing on this Journey..Or.. is it that there is always that hope lurking in the background,Today will be the day.. someone..will say that magic word..that finally gets to him...WEll no fear of that of that..He never showed up..First of all..Supper wasn't enough...he wanted to spend the night..No..Just supper..Someone would pick him up & drive him back. He would see..he would call me back. He never did that night. Of course his name came up constantly...Was he coming...how was he doing..etc. We managed to be honest..he was asked..he obviously declined..Was it because he wasn't ready to face everyone ? Was it because he did not get his own way..we will never never know...The Family Bar-B-Cue went on without him with great success..was he missed..yes.

Next day..He called..Just wondering if he could come out today...No...You were invited yesterday..you did not show...He decided to go to another beach with a girl instead...choices..His choices. It was our last Day with our Son & baby...we were going to enjoy it!! Told him We loved him...See him when we returned home.
Even on vacation you are never far from that drama of addiction.One word..One action..One phone call..Can bring it all Roaring back in..I think I handled it all quite well...I did enjoy my vacation..It was a wonderful respite...A time of reflection..filled with love and support of  my Family..I Felt a calmness coming home..I have not felt Calm in a few years !!

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