My Mamma

                                                         My Mamma was a tiny little thing,with a big heart.My Mamma was also an chronic opioid user,at a time when little was known about Opioid abuse and even less was known how to treat it.Add alcohol to the mixture..death on an installment plan.
Her Story will be familiar to many,it all started after a Motorcycle Accident when she broke her back.Pain Pills and More Pills...and more pain pills.

    She was Stunning,the beauty of a Movie Star.I remember when I was very young,watching her get ready for the day,not a hair out of place and lipstick glided across her lips perfectly.Then she would take a kleenex and pucker her lips around it to get off any excess.I would then say " Mamma do I look like you ? No,You look like your father".Everyday I would ask the same question,anticipating she'd say " Yes you do !".I wanted so much to look like her,Natural raw beauty.

   As I grew older subtle changes started to appear,in her appearance,her speech,her day to day routine.

Roles began to reverse,being the oldest my new role became caregiver,to her,my younger siblings.

 Daily trips to the drug store to buy over the counter pills with Codeine.A bottle of 80 and a package of gravol to prevent them from making her sick.I realized ,after awhile this was reason for the changes happening to her.I attempted,begged many times for her to stop,But she wouldn't..I know now..Couldn't.

She had the Disease of Addiction.That vile, cruel disease that steals our Mamma's,Father's and Children.

 She was always the first to help out a neighbor, a family member in need,bring them a casserole,Home made biscuits.She was also a great cook and baker !In return we found out later..she would slip into their medicine cabinet and slip their pills into her pocket. She emptied our piggy banks,my dad's pockets...borrowed money to pay for her " habit".So many shared these stories with me...After she died.

 We attempted to get her help.I refused to buy her pills anymore,she would then send my younger siblings to the drugstore with a note...and they would arrive home with them in hand.I phoned the pharmacy to complain..it went on deaf ears.I phoned our family doctor..please don't write any more scripts for pain pills.He would promise to talk to her...He did..there, there, Mamma..you have to stop taking these as he handed her another script.She would con her co-workers into giving her something from the med carts..Then they would call me to come get her, as she was too "sick" to work.

  When we would rush her to the hospital after an overdose,we thought great..she would get help..Nope..she would open her eyes..look at us kids standing around the bed and say " Darn,I was hoping I would never wake up".

 I felt such guilt and fear ,leaving to start my own life.

 She died quite young in today's standards,after she developed a Chronic disease and her once beautiful body was unable to fight off any more assaults.Her severely damaged organs finally let her down.She finally got her wish,died in her sleep with massive amounts of pain medications.

 I loved her sooo much,she had many many wonderful quality's,which Addiction slowly eroded away.

I remember on Mother's Day ,I would always go overboard.Naively thinking if I showed her how much I loved her,she would stop.She didn't..I know, she knew, how much I loved her..and I knew ,how much she loved me...But she was sick..with Addiction..and Addiction won.

Happy Mother's Mamma...xoxo

P.S. I do look like my Mamma...

                                               

Knock Knock

For the next month our streets..News feeds,TV's and Newspapers will be full of faces, all vying for your vote.

Get engaged..

This is your opportunity to make your voice heard.

Addiction is stealing a whole generation of our Children..If we, as a community ,don't speak up, it will continue.

When they come knocking at your door..Ask the tough questions.

I am always amazed, how little, people understand about the epidemic ,we have exploding on our not so Gentle Island.

We have an Opportunity with our small size to be leaders in Addiction and Mental Health.To show the rest of Canada, what compassion, empathy and investment ,in our most vulnerable, can accomplish !!

We are known to be one of the most generous Provinces, when it comes supporting causes,Runs,Telethons,Food banks etc.

Addiction does not have Luxury of Tapping into those resources.Addiction is hidden..silenced..It is the Black Sheep of diseases,Not something people want to lend their name too.

Yet here we are,Thousands suffering in silence.We need to embrace Addiction and Mental Health as we do all the other diseases that Kill people.It Does Kill.We need to ask the tough questions,demand better treatment,take it out of the dark where it doesn't belong and out into the light to save lives.Stop the Stigma and Shame !

We need more education..programs for the front line staff at the hospitals..Addiction Centers..Mental Heath Facilities..Jails..,Those who deal with our children.WE need to make them feel like human beings with a Disease instead of second class citizens,who deserve what they get !!!

We need an In-Patient Rehab..Not just for youth..But for adults also.Evidence tells us that an intensive 90 day In-Patient Program is the best start of a good treatment plan.

We need more Recovery Homes, to help them move on to the next step..Getting their life back !!
Evidence tells us the brain needs to heal..circuits need to reconnect..Wounds need to heal..They need to re learn how to live..This takes time..they need new strategies..tools..coping skills..learn to love themselves again..giving them a reason to live.

We need Treatment in the Jails,Since that's where many end up..If your not going to offer treatment instead of incarceration..Then you had better offer it to them in the Jails..Do you really believe simply throwing them in jail for 30,60,90 days for petty crimes, that is in fact ,a" symptom" of their disease, is treatment ??...or a deterrent ??..where 90 percent are in there for addiction related crimes.That is the perfect place to initiate a treatment plan..I'm not talking support programs..Support programs work best  DURING and AFTER treatment..Treatment isn't throwing them in hole to detox on their own for days on end..That's inhumane!! How's that tactic been working for ya by the way..NOT

Education in the schools...Not the "JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS" But Peer to Peer..That's who they are going to listen to..again Evidence shows us this is the most successful programing !

Pick anyone of these..or one of your own..But let's come together as a Community..a Province..and make our voices heard at the door for those who can't speak for themselves.Let's educate the Politicians..All of the above are cost saving for them ,in both the short term and long term.

A Young Woman explained to me, recovering from Addiction is like awakening from a coma..Yes she was detoxed..Body clean of drugs..But her brain was still badly damaged..and her body and soul badly broken..She had re learn skills all over again..She had to come to terms with her actions, when the addiction hijacked her brain  thinking of nothing..no one..but to get that next fix.As her brain slowly healed..She was awakened to the all the casualties this disease had caused.Through in-patient treatment that encompassed both her disease and mental health,Followed by 6 months in recovery,And on going support programs in the community she is now living a productive,Fulfilling life.She's knows she will never be cured but feels she has all the tools to remain in recovery and move on with Life!!

Are we Compassionate enough,As Islanders to offer all those suffering with Addiction and Mental Health the same opportunity ?

I Think so...xo

Ask The Questions..Educate Them !

Happy Easter

Another Holiday..As far as I have come in my own recovery, I wonder if we ever truly fully recover, from our child's turbulent journey..

Most of us are sentimental creatures..We love to think back on holidays past..when are children were small and we loved to see the excitement in their eyes,The family gatherings and so much love and laughter.That's what memories are of..The Happy Times..Family.

Addiction changes those memories.

This Easter my son is in recovery,but we all know this can change.. at anytime ...and the cycle starts again.We must learn to make new memories. 

I wish this Journey on no parent.Every now and again the nightmares come back.Last night was one of those nights.I actually had to open his door to make sure he was there.

I guess that's what brought me here today..

Never give up hope..
Miracles happen everyday..
Today we celebrate a Miracle..xoxo

Happy Easter

Should Recovery Homes be Charged ?

Ok..Mamma's on a rant !!

I just read an article with the headline" Should Enablers Be Charged With Involuntary Manslaughter ?"
I refuse to link to it and give them more hits then they deserve( as they no doubt, get paid by the number of hits) but the utter absurdity of it makes my blood boil !! Pssst..If you do come across it,don't bother leaving a negative comment on it because it won't be published ( ask me how I know ).
This is a site that is well developed to the eyes..But it is a site that promotes recovery homes..not an educational site on addiction..with facts or scientific based evidence.It is a money maker..Billions, I might add for private enterprise on the backs and lives of OUR children !

The writer of this post gets paid !!!  A person in recovery herself, who early on, developed a following from other parents, reaching out to them for help,Reading their poems,story's posted on every online group or facebook group going.

I'm not going to pick apart the article,I refuse to give them that much attention !!

My purpose is too speak to parents.Please Please educate yourself on Addiction !! Please work on your own recovery ,so leeches like this will NOT take advantage of you..Advantage of your Child who is ill with a disease/disorder..Addiction is not a crime..It is a health issue  !! They don't care about us or our children..They want your money.Do your homework on these sites..these homes that offer false claims..false hope..when your desperate to help your child! There are many good homes out there..Do your homework!!

I'm sure I may have shared this story before,But I'm sharing it again.
A mother confided in me, her family spent 38,000 dollars to send her son to an "Supposedly" upscale rehab for a 28 day stay..Full of promises..Two days in her son left..It was a week before she found out ( her son finally called her..NOT the rehab).When she contacted the place to ask why she wasn't informed..Confidentiality was the reason given!!!!! The reason became quite clear in her next Question,What about any refund due since he only stayed 2 days!! NOPE no refund..It was his choice to leave.Yes he can come back..for another 38,000..his bed that was paid for 28 days) ?..that he left..has been taken. Not bad money they made in 2 days 76,000 dollars !! It was only 1 week into the month.There are many good rehabs,recovery homes,programs out there..Some are free!!! Others a minimum amount..Just do your homework !!

These are people who should be charged with  Manslaughter..Not Involuntary ,as they know EXACTLY what their doing..Ask them for the stats..Ask them how many of their residents are still in recovery after their 28 day stays.They won't share that info..Why ? Because they don't track them..Why ?..Because they don't care..Why ? Because they just want your money!! Why ? Because your Child just didn't want it bad enough..Bull sh*t !!

This Article,( If you hadn't already guessed) Made my stomach sick !! Bullying and Fear mongering at it's finest.To have a broken parent ( just as sick as their child) believe, that they could be charged in the future for enabling.. Sending them into panic mode to one of their homes to be saved....Ludicrous!!! Leaving parents to believe..yet again..It's their fault..BULL !! Most of all.. Shame on these parents selling themselves out to these criminals by writing articles for them !!!!

Please get educated on addiction..Please get yourself well..xoxo                                                                                                                    I'm beginning to really hate that word "Enabler" !!!

Just Say No ?

As I scanned the pages of our morning paper waaay down in left hand corner,of an inside page was a small IMPORTANT blurb.
YOUNG ADDICTS

Prescription Pills drug of choice.
A major concern to us the RCMP.

" What concerns us the most about pills, is how quickly young people are getting addicted to them and the desperation they get ,once they are addicted,to acquire more pills and the type of offences they are prepared to do in the short term to feed their habit."



Addiction is a Disease/Disorder of the brain.We can't pray,wish,jail, or ignore it away.If those things worked we wouldn't be in the epidemic we are today !!

It needs to be treated..We need resources..many many resources..what works for one does not work for someone else.

We know, " Just say NO" is not working.

We know, that in a very very short time..popping pills..leads to snorting..which leads to Injecting..which leads to death.

We know throwing them in jail is not working.In A small population like ours they all know one another.They are bunking with their dealer.They are learning new ways to beat the system.Make new contacts.There is no treatment in jail.Incarceration is not treatment and yet we expect them to emerge from jail, full of piss and vinegar to embrace this new life of being drug free.With no treatment to help them develop strategy's to pull this off.Sending them to treatment would be a much a better plan..We tell them if nothing changes..nothing changes..But yet..the Judicial system does the exact same thing..If nothing changes..nothing changes..Offer them treatment for god's sake!!

We can't educate them with scare tactics and telling them just say NO.I think we have all used those tactics with cookies..Cookies are bad for you...they'll ruin your supper..NO you can't have a cookie.They know cookies taste good..If it tastes good,how can it be bad ? As they sneak that cookie when our backs are turned.That's the same adolescent ( not mature) brain we are dealing with in educating them in the schools.It doesn't,(and the proof is in the streets,the jails,and the graveyard) work.How we educate them needs to change.Let's try letting those in recovery,those who just a few years ago where sitting at those desks,do the education.Instead of a parent..a person in authority.. We know at those ages they are more influenced by their peers then the are by those in authority. Lets let the experienced , The peers,paint the picture for them.

Let's be more educated ourselves..Like we are about others diseases our children develop.
Let's be less judgemental and more compassionate.
Let's be more empathic and less critical.
Let's work our own recovery and support ,encourage them to work theirs.
Let's do this together ,
Let's be heroes instead of victims...xo

They Did It Their Way

I received a phone call last night from a dear friend of my fathers.I always thought of him as an uncle as he was always around our home.He is ruff and gruff,tells it like it is,but has a heart of gold.He had just recently heard about my son's battle with addiction.He hesitated to reach out,not wanting to appear nosy.I assured him,I was very grateful for his call..and any insight he had I would love to hear.

You see he has been in AA for 45 Years,Just picking up his 45 yr chip before Christmas.Amazing...

He asked about my son,His drug of choice,how long he been on journey through hell and then he asked how I was.Not your everyday conversation but I was curious to listen to what advice,wisdom he could share.

He started out by saying AA/NA is not for everyone ( gasp).This coming from a 45 yr.AA man shocked me to no end.It wasn't for your father,This I knew.It worked for me,It saved my life.I took what I needed and left the rest.Your father wasn't me,He was very private and quiet ( except when he was drinking).I would drag him with me to the meetings and watch his legs shake,his eyes staring at the clock on the wall,fidgeting the whole time.I knew deep down he wasn't feeling comfortable but I figured eventually he would see the error of his way and embrace the 12 steps.He never did.He did it his way,Like the old Frank Sinatra Song " I did it My Way".

I see alot of your Father in your son,I had to agree, he is almost a carbon copy, personality wise.He will find his way.Just support whatever way that is,he'll work it out on his own.He learned that,he said, from my father.There is no room for judgement when we all have a common goal...To Live..To get our life back..To be once again in control of our Lives.

I shared with him that my son was in recovery thanks to Methadone.I waited..for the conversation to take a downward turn..He never missed a beat..He actually started to cry..He was so relieved to hear he was in recovery..And see..He's doing it his way!! I was so scared he was going to Judge him..But he didn't..He added that many of his fellow AA members had taken Antabuse ( a Dr.prescribed medication) To get off the booze..He was glad methadone was working for my son.Whatever works !!

It made my heart sing to hear him say those words , 45 years later and he supports whatever works.He continued on to say everyone was different,their poisons were all different.Some are easier to overcome than others.You know, when my life was quickly going to hell in a handbasket,the one constant in my life was my Mother,she never gave up on me..And I put her through hell...Well I lost it then..I hear this so often..and I know we can never give up, We can offer support or advocate. I agreed with him and said,I understand some people chant"Give it to God"..But God gave him to us..for a reason..there is a no return Policy when it comes to our children !!!!.I will always keep My sons close..no matter what..

He is taking my son out for coffee next week..to celebrate recovery..Their way..xo

Taking Our Kids Back

As I popped on the Internet this morning, the latest news feed was a mile long.It was the top one that caught and held my attention.It was actually from a group I thought I had left,because of all the fighting among the member's.

The message however was a strong one.It was asking all mother's to Unite in Taking back our Kids.

I never went to the site to view the comments as I knew they would be full of so many opinions on that statement." They have to want it themselves" " Just give it to god" " He is evil "" I can't save him" etc.

 I myself, continue to work on my own recovery,Like my son's, it is and will be a lifelong process.Over the time I have left many groups,stopped following certain blogs,Joined more groups,searching for like minded parents such as myself.I also still follow blogs that aren't like minded because they keep me on my toes.They also have taught me many things,Like my son's recovery I take what I need and leave the rest.

We are all fighting the same Devil..Addiction.

Let's Do Our Part, To bring Our Kids Back

There is much we can't help our children with.No we can't save them,But we can be part of the solution that may lead them to recovery.

The most important step is getting healthy yourself,For me I found the healthier I got,The better my son got.
The main steps for we parents, are the Obvious ones.Not enabling,set up rules and boundary's.Always ask yourself is this helping my child...or feeding the Addiction.Each and everyone of us can do our part in Taking back our Kids.

It does not have to be holding a sign and standing in protest,There are many who can't do that.It does not have to be speaking out in pulblic,Public speaking is not everyone's cup of Tea.It is not founding a self help-group,Starting a blog,researching for new ways to unlock the brain of those suffering from addiction,Fighting for better treatment,recovery homes or writing new laws to protect our children.It does not have to be any of these things.

• It can be as simple as writing a letter to your local government represenitive,Your city counselor.

• It can be giving to a foodbank,A homeless shelter,Offering a warm blanket or a meal to somesones child,hoping someone else is doing the same for yours.
• It can be supporting them in the treatment of Their Choice..Most importantly,being there if that choice fails and encouraging them to try a different path.
• It can be keeping them close..texting,calling,leave a message with those 3 powerful words" I love You"
• It can be driving them to treatment and visiting them on family days.

• It Can be Admitting when your wrong..and zipping it when your right

It can be a hundred small things,but you can't do it if your full of anger,fear,So sick you can't get out of bed,uneducated about the disease of addiction.

You can't do anything if you don't lift yourself up and start recoverying yourself,That is the first and most important step.

You have to give to yourself first,before you can give to someone else..but you can do it..Just as our children can do it...one step at a time.

Let's do our part...take our kids back..by healing ourselves first...xoxo

Different Roles In Addiction

As I read blogs,research papers,self help groups,papers on addiction etc. I often wonder how I survived without a psychologist ,A social worker,A youth worker, A psychiatrist !
I grew up with an alcoholic father and an a mother who was addicted to opioids.I was the oldest and just assumed the role of both parents..or either,when situations arose in regards to my younger siblings.It was just the way it was.It was my norm, and I just accepted that fact.

I had a wonderful supportive extended family,not that they took over any these roles,but they would call..or visit..bring meals..ask if I needed anything..took us out of the situation when needed..all the time, never acknowledging the problems verbally,out loud, within our family unit.

I learned survival skills..responsibility..compassion..empathy..I sat in the rooms with my father giving him support..so proud of his sobriety..my mom received no help , as they would just write more scripts for pills..sell her over the counter meds..day after day, without a question..or any concern..even after 3 OD's..no one said a word..pump out her stomach,medicate her,write her another script..send us on our way.

My point is ..how did I grow up without any baggage..without any professional help!

My only conclusion was I didn't know any different..it was, what it was and I just did what was needed for our family.Yes, it was dysfunctional in today's buzz words..but it was my norm.there was also a lot of love..there were good times,times of sobriety for my father,times when my mom wasn't completely zoned out,we took family vacations..Both my parents gave whatever they could to help out a friend,a neighbour,a stranger,Every Sunday we sat in church.

It wasn't until I had children of my own that I knew..promised myself..promised God..my children would not grow up like that..and they didn't.They grew up in normal,loving,nurturing family,with rules and boundary's and responsibility.

I guess my question has always been, as I now journey alongside my son with his disease of Addiction..How in the hell did I get through this with my parents..unscathed!!

I will not be so lucky on this journey,this time.

They say knowledge is power,It is also heart wrenching !

The drugs of my parents choosing, were not the same in volume, or in potency ,of my sons.

The fear,the helplessness,the knowledge..Oh the knowledge..In knowing, I could lose my child,cannot be compared.There is no greater love than of a mother for her child.

I will not let it defeat me,I will keep researching,I will keep on loving,I will continue to keep him close.I will cheer lead whatever path he chooses to maintain his recovery.I will share,Loudly..our story.I will continue to advocate,support,reach out to others on the same Journey.I will continue to heal,So I never..never again be taken to my knees in such devasting fear,.Yes, I will come out of this one a wee bit battered and bruised..but not defeated !! I do pray for other Families,Those who live with this disease..God bless us all..xo

Dear AA/NA

This is a not so short and not so sweet post,I am so angry and disappointed.Just answer me this question,and,It had better be an intelligent,evidence based answer!

Why would any AA/ NA group refuse young Men and Women,Their hard earned chips,when they find out they are on MATS??
A young Man/Woman who, during "treatment",was driven daily to NA/AA meetings,visited daily in rehab by NA/AA..given the books,welcomed with open arms,loved  by those members who stated "seeing these youth's smiling faces in recovery make our day". BUT never told " By the way,if you take MAT ( medication assisted treatment), you are not welcome??? When they KNOW 80 percent in the Center are taking them!!!

Never miss meetings,worked their steps with every bit of sincerity as the next person,turned their life around 100 percent,Tell Me Why don't they deserve their Fcuking Chip???

  Their not clean ? They are on a medication for a disease,They're NOT high.We encourage our Youth to attend NA/AA,It has an important "Support" place in their recovery, AND this is the result,time and time again.
  YOUR freaking higher power is WAY different than mine.Mine does not JUDGE.Mine hung around with Thieves and prostitutes,Murders, don't tell me MAT is a crutch,Cause you know what ? I love crutches.They help people walk again ! I love Band aids.They help our sores heal !

Any Adult who has walked this road of Addiction and refuses a young or any person who" is" in RECOVERY,A GD well earned Chip,Needs to work his freakin steps again.Cause he missed a whole lot !!.
Example :
AA:"The Big BOOK"
 No A.A. member should “play doctor”; all
medical advice and treatment should come from a
qualified physician.
NA:
Drug Replacement
By definition, drug replacement is used for a differ-
ent reason than prescribed medications for mental or
physical health. This distinction makes drug replace-
ment a separate issue for us in NA. When it comes to
those who participate in drug replacement, it is helpful
to remember that our Third Tradition clearly states that
membership in NA is established when someone has a
desire to stop using or when they choose to become a
member, not when they are clean. No matter what the
issue, groups are still charged with the goal of welcom-
ing each person who walks into a meeting.

They earned that Chip. A few years ago a young man shared with me a story, about himself, and his to recovery on MAT and being refused his chip.I dug out one of my fathers chips and personally gave him his one year chip.I know, My Dad, would gladly give it up to this young man ,who rightly deserved it.Cause that's the kind of AA/NA MAN he was.Shame on you!

Bill W was a very progressive man,I have no doubt he would be rolling in his grave seeing what happened, and happens everyday within these groups.Remember folks AA/NA is not treatment..It is a support group.

P.S. Do not tell them to find another another meeting,This is a common theme among our youth who attend "Different" meetings.There must be someone willing to stand up and speak for these youth.Times are changing folks and our kids are dying.Be part of the solution Please, Please ,not the problem.They are devastated! I will forever choke on the words,Seek a NA/AA Support group it will help in your recovery.When, I know in my heart,this will be the reward for your recovery, None !

Nightmare Before Christmas

It's been awhile since I have updated.Tis the season.

I use to Love this time of Year..not so much anymore..I have made a conscious effort this year to get back into the spirit of Christmas.My son remains in his version of recovery..I in mine..It is a hard time of the year for family's who have been visited by addiction..the gift that keeps on giving..and giving ..and giving..My son has been given the gift of recovery..for today..I hope he doesn't return it ! There were many Christmas's without him at the Family dinner table..Gifts unopened..a constant reminder he was wrapped up in his addiction..minus a pretty bow.

Twas The Nightmare Before Christmas

And all through Our home,
Every creature was stirring,
And out on the run..
Searching the streets for our missing son.

No visions of sugar-plums,
Dancing in our heads..
But visions of fear,
We'd find our son dead.                                                                                                                       

 Now Go Percs,Morphine,
 Oxy, and Crack..
 Dash away..Dash Away
 And don't come Back !

Then came a noise
A red flashing light
We peeked out the window
Frozen with fright

There on the street,
Lay a Red Santa's hat,
My son on a stretcher,
I jumped in the back!

Then in a twinkling,
Full Speed ahead
I thought of the Christmas's
He was snuggled in bed.

The doctors were there,
All dressed in their greens,
Nurses were flying..
It was quite a scene !

He was skinny and gaunt
No resemblance of an Elf
He was blue..no pulse
Just a shell of himself.

As I clenched that Santa Hat
Close to my heart
I prayed for a miracle
As they grabbed for the crash cart.

They spoke not a word
Went straight to work
His body straightened and started to jerk..
The doc laid his hand on my shoulder
and said..
He's back,we saved him..go home to bed.

I sprang to his side,
Whispering in his ear,
Merry Christmas sweet man..
His lips moved , in a weak voice he moaned.
Merry Christmas Mamma..I almost made it home.

Merry Christmas to all..To all a good night..
MammaP..xoxo
 

Support For The Reach Center

Your Support would be greatly appreciated next weekend for The Reach Center.They will be participating in the Blowout Sale at the Civic Center .You will see them running the canteen..At the Reach Booth..where they will be selling Items the youth have worked on such as T-Shirts..Birdhouses..Christmas Kits for Home Decorating..I also heard there will be FUDGE!!...I can't forget Onesies..for all ages..And a few more area's.

This Center is a labour of love..Started by 3 mother's..They need the support of the community to continue to help our youth..To help them get back on their feet..into university..college..working..while receiving much needed support from the staff and each other.It is unique..and it is working!!

It is also where the Family Support Group meets each Tuesday night.

These Women need our support..Our Youth Need our support.This is a Great example of the community stepping up ...to do what they can, in helping with epidemic of opioid addiction on our Island.Who says we Parents..the community.. aren't doing our part..Let's pay it forward in giving them our support and Love..After all we are more than an Addiction Community..We are A Family..xoxo

The Terrorist ?

I am no political analyst.. Journalist..member of the FBI..However.. Wednesday's Tragedy on Parliment Hill was NOT a terrorist attack on our Country !!

I have to stay away from the comments sections of news Articles..They put my blood pressure up to dangerous levels. In my quest for information on what was happening in Ottawa..concern for my fellow Canadians and family members..friends who live in Our Nations Capitol..Heartbroken for the young Soldier,who was killed,his family..It led me down many newspaper articles.

Then  a picture popped up of the shooter's mother..Her words broke my heart..Expressing her sympathy to the families..

“Hi, I am writing this note on behalf of my husband and myself.
No words can express the sadness we are feeling at this time. We are so sad that a man lost his life. He has lost everything and he leaves behind a family that must feel nothing but pain and sorrow.
We send our deepest condolences to them although words seem pretty useless. We are both crying for them.
We also wish to apologize for all the pain, fright and chaos he created.
We have no explanation to offer. I am mad at our son, I don’t understand and part of me wants to hate him at this time.
You write that our son was vulnerable, we don’t know, we (he) was lost and did not fit in.
I his mother spoke with him last week over lunch, I had not seen him for over five years before that. So I have very little insight to offer.
We don’t wish to be part of any media circus, we don’t think it will add anything to the conversation. Please respect our privacy although many may not feel we deserve any …
Once again we are so sorry.

The comments section was flooded with hate..before anyone knew the details on exactly who her son was..before... he became the "Terrorist "..The common theme for many..blame the parents..blame our immigration system..Blame everyone..except the shameful changes made to our health care and social system..systemically being destroyed to save money..If you want to place blame..we all need to look inwardly..outwardly..That we would allow this attack on our Health Care system to happen!!

I try very hard never to make a decision..form an opinion.. until I do my homework first..So I began..Who was this terrorist ?

• He was a Canadian..32 yrs old

• Born in Quebec

• A good student

• After high school began his journey with addiction..with the justice system.

• Begged a judge to send him to prison to get help for his disease after a failed Robbery..he was released !
• Mental health assessment stated crack cocaine was his drug of choice..He had addiction issues, Bi-Polar..No real mental health issues...hmmm
• Had no contact with his family for 5 years..until 2 weeks ago,he had lunch with his mother.
• Lived all over Canada,,mainly in homeless shelters
• Converted to Islam a few years ago
• Applied for a passport to travel to Syria
• Had made Contacts with radical groups via the internet

This was a sick young man..diagnosed with bi-polar at one point..Disease of addiction..who reached out for help..and did not receive it!! His mother is not to blame..The mentally ill have all the rights in our Country..We as parents Can NOT ask..sign in..request..beg..to have our sick adult children be institutionalized to get the help they need..for their safety..and ours..This right was taken away years ago..with nothing put in place as an alternative..oh yes..a mental health assessment..in my experiences involves a half hour interview in the ER!

We do not treat Addiction in this Country as the Mental Health issue it is..instead we incarcerate in jails.

Things need to change..our laws..acts.. policies..have to be re- addressed ..addiction and mental health need to be treated properly..not ignored..Put our greatly wasted tax-payers money where it belongs..our healthcare system is failing us.

My heartfelt sympathy..prayers go out to the family of the young man, Corporal Nathan Cirillo who was killed..Guarding the grave of the Unknown Soldier..With pride in his chosen profession of keeping our Country safe !










 

United We C.A.N.

It is truly the first online group I felt I belonged in!

Please Please ask me why???

It is all about Change!!

• Changing the way we look and Treat Addiction.
• A union of compassionate,empathic,educated people who realize, in order to help our loved ones, we must change.
• Come together..Building..A simple concept..Instead of tearing down!
• A merging of every program,treatment,belief that used to stand alone .Each proclaiming their way was the best..and only path to recovery!
• Embracing each other..Celebrating the triumphs..Respecting our differences,yet seeing the common goal for all, is saving our loved ones..no matter the path!!
• Families..Love that they stress how important our role truly is! How working on our own recovery is not only paramount..but impacts the recovery of our loved ones..no matter the path we take!
• Changing the stigma associated with vile words, such as Junkie..Addict..New Buzz Word..SUD!! Substance Use Disorder/Disease..Much kinder..Changing the way our loved ones look at themselves!! Not as Junkies..hopeless addicts..scum..Dam I hate those words!! perhaps changing the way others..the public... views addiction..there is power in them there words Mamma...

We are in neck deep in the biggest drug epidemic of all times...Something has to change..This is change..Positive Empowering Change..xoxo

United We C.A.N.
Change Addiction Now!

So How's It Workin For Ya?

This is the question most people ask me lately through my blog and e-mails.

How's it workin for ya ?

I am assuming they mean my stand against Tough Love...Instead..

going with Mamma's Love !

Welllll..It is going just fine..Thank-you very much !!

If you have followed my blog then you know how I struggled with let go..let god, Tough Love approach.

Instead I concentrated on Mamma..getting myself healthy..working on my own recovery..still advocating for my son..giving him support ( not money)..not enabling..keeping the rules and boundary's in place..and letting him suffer the natural consequences of his actions.

Guess what..AS I got better..So did he !

It was dam hard work..But a Mamma's got to do..what she's gotta do..and I did it..for myself !
There was noway in hell, I could do any of the above things for my son..If I wasn't well myself..I was an empty shell ..I was in a very dark place..and by reaching out for help..mainly to another mother..and people in recovery.. researching like a crazy woman..Questioning.. the sometimes archaic advice I was reading( and given) ..Going with the scientific based evidence..Staying firm to my belief that Addiction is indeed a disease.. I found light..and got my life back.Consequently, I got my son my back..for today !!

I learned to separate the Substance User from my son...I refuse to feed the vile..manipulative..disease of Addiction..But I will always love my son.I will always give him hope,encouragement,lots of love..and always..always..Fight for him..and others.

The one common theme I have heard from every person I have met in recovery is.." If my Family had given up on me...given up hope..refused to speak to me..completely disowned me..I would have died.

I am in no way saying my approach works for everyone..It wouldn't..I would not be able to keep him home if I had younger children..If I had not had the support of my hubby...If I was raising his children..and many other scenario's I am sure....I can only say..It's workin..for me..for him..I am not naive enough to think he has this licked..It is a disease of relapse and recovery..But Today he is 6 months in recovery..a full time Job..And just bought a car..He has plans for the future..He works his program..I work Mine.

I would say to every parent..grandparent.. son..daughter..brother..sister..Lover..Get yourself Healthy.. Heal...Start on your own recovery plan..You deserve it!!! Even if your loved one is not in recovery..you will be in a much better place to deal with this disease...Love & Light..xoxo

Grama's House

I received a lovely e-mail this morning from another mother whose daughter is struggling with opiate Addiction.It was full of positivity..hope.She just wanted to drop me a line to tell me she enjoyed my blog and how much it helps her understand better her daughters Addiction...That she is not alone..that she has a place she belongs...I was humbled...

BUT

It is her story that is inspiring..and sad..and the reality of more and more women and men.It brings to mind the Quote " Be Kind..Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

She is also a grandmother..of 3 beautiful grandchildren..that yes..she is raising !

She has given me permission to share a bit of her story..not because she wants sympathy..because she wants you to know ,she is doing her part in the fight with the monster Addiction.You will not see her at the Rally's,The support group meetings..But she is there in spirit.

She was the " Sandwich Generation"..Raising her own children ( she has 6 children..all have left the nest).. while providing care and love to her aging parents as their journey on this earth,came to an end.

She is now part of what Stats Canada calls " "skip-generation households." There are more and more of these households as this epidemic rises.She Said" I could not turn those kids away..or allow them to placed in foster care ,I believe my daughter is sick..and could die from her disease..No different than any other chronic disease that the public views as respectable..such as Cancer..or MS." "I want to do this..for her..for my grandchildren."

She is cheer leading the efforts being taken to change the system.. to get adequate timely treatment ..from the sidelines..But she wanted me know she's there..with us..every step of the way!!

She is my hero..She and others like her..who are sacrificing,what should be the their golden years..to do their part in the Dance with the Devil !

She told me.." I get no aid from social services..They have offered to help if I quit my job ( she has 33 years in and 2 years left for a full pension and benefits)..Quitting my job is not an option..So no help.

I hope and I hope some more..her daughter finds her way to recovery...xoxo
Thank-you for reaching out to me..You give me strength to carry on the fight..Please know you will always be in my thoughts and prayers..Hugggggs

O

 is for Opiod

A Pill so powerful your hooked in days...
People continue not to understand the potency of this drug..
This is not the pot and hashish of days gone by..
Where a walk to the 12 step rooms..brings you into the open arms of recovery.

Theses pills attach themselves to the brains receptor's.
They refuse to let go..
For years... into the path of  a recovery..
Holding those caught in the grip of their disease hostage.
Horrendous craving's..physical symptoms causing great pain.
Death

The Recipients of this disease are as much distraught as the public..
They don't want to live like this..ruining lives..families..
They reach out..they give it all they got..
But O is the gift that keeps on giving..

They try again..a different path this time..
And again O..reaches out..
And thus the legacy of this little pill lives on...forever
or dies with the recipient..

When you have the world's best known Center's for Addiction..The Betty Ford and Hazelden( which have merged )..Now offering 3 paths to recovery..including..MEDICATION..such as methadone and suboxone..It speaks Volumes about the problem we have in our Country!!

For God's sake..For our Loved ones sake..be part of the solution..support..advocate..for better treatment..Not Judge..xo

The Eyes Of Addiction

While out for a walk today..I'm aging myself now.. The song, "Betty Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes, starting blaring in my ears, through my Ipod..

For some reason it brought back visions of my son's eyes... when he was in active addiction.

It wasn't the redness, the pupils larger or smaller than usual ,or even the times I had seen nothing... but the whites as they rolled back into the sockets.

It was the emptiness... The Darkness...The same emptiness I have seen many times with people who are dying..they're still breathing, but they are gone..the life has left.

Addiction steals their souls and sucks the life right out of them..They are void of any feeling..even the basic needs of life have been stolen..food,shelter, clothing.

What an Evil..Vile.. Disease Addiction is !!

I remember the fear that erupted in me.. when I would look in them..And the pleasure I feel now.. to see the sparkle back..the light..the life...xoxo

HELP ?

I have so many holes in my tongue from biting it...I am thankful I have this blog to heal it!!

Finally yesterday we get word from Dr.Matters on her report( Mental Health & Addiction) ,that we have all been, eagerly awaiting, for over a year now .

Well Folks here it is..in a nutshell.

• Dismantle the Strength program for 7 youth,Add 5 beds..announce a" New" 1 Million Dollar 12 bed long term addiction treatment center for youth.Nothing more than a slight of  hand magic trick... to make things disappear and reappear as something new

•  A New 12 bed Long Term Mental Health Treatment Center for Youth.Closing out the 4 bed unit at the hospital..add them to the New 8 beds. Another 1 Million Dollars

Total : Lucky 13..13 new beds for Addiction & Mental Health... for the thousands suffering with these diseases on our Island.

 WTF!!!!!!!!!!  

Now remember... these Facilities are still awaiting final approval and when approved will take a year to implement !

Did anyone notice ( I know you all did)..There was no announcement regarding anything..diddly squat.... for those OVER 24 !!!!!

I know we live in a disposable society..Hard to believe this also includes lives..The lives of those who have been struggling for YEARS with little to no help..except crumbs..or Jail..or death..It certainly gives them hope !! I know they would Thank-You ...from the bottom of their broken,diseased hearts !!!

I Thank-You...My son Thanks You.. For NOTHING..xoxox

Mamma's Mustard Pickle

This was a spontaneous conversation... my son initiated with me yesterday, over a pot of bubbling,aromatic, soon to be, scrumptious mustard pickles !

Have you ever been so afraid it made you sick Mamma? Hmmmm..Lucky I was stirring that pot or that wooden spoon might have accidentally hit him !!

Yes I have..And you ? 
 
Yes, I'm afraid that I have ruined my life and I'm scared It will never be the same again.

Keep stirring the pickles Mamma...
                                                                                                                                                            Well Babe... it won't ever be same..It can be better!
As long as you don't feed the fears...Just keep looking ahead..no looking back !

As we sat down later to enjoy the first taste of this seasons batch I started to giggle...

I shared with him a question I read on site somewhere ( sorry I can't remember where) The question was asked in reference to people in recovery.Can a pickle ever evolve back into a cucumber ?

Maybe not..But that cucumber,with all the right ingredients..patience and hard work..Constant stirring with the wooden spoon..Can be the best damn mustard pickle !!!

Eat up and enjoy,

My Sweet Mustard Pickle...xoxo

Just Show up

I must start this off by sharing with you all the story of yet another amazing young man in recovery.His name is Chris Cull..You may not recognize the name yet..BUT you will !! He just wrapped a 4 month Journey across our vast Country, On his Bicycle, to bring awareness To the disease of Addiction and the effects of Prescription Drug abuse,All the time filming his Journey,Meeting with families,Listening to specialists, Researching,Sharing his story of recovery,Listening to stories of others in recovery,Giving hope to those still in the grips of this horrendous disease !!

I got a chance to meet..and listen to his story last night at an event held on our gentle Island..He brought tears to my eyes.You can read about Chris here on his Facebook page, Inspire . See where he has been...what he has done..and where he goes from here in his Journey, and his work on his Film, he hopes to release,telling his story.

Now I am going to rant!!

Although the organizers of this event ( parents) had a very short time to plan and get the word out..They accomplished it masterfully and  the word was well spread.“There was a passionate group of people who attended, but I would have expected the place to be bursting at the seams considering the extent of the problem on PEI. I shouldn’t be surprised as Addiction remains a dirty little secret…stigmatized and shamed…Keeping many silent..and invisible”.

Yet..and here she goes !!!!!!!!!! I woke this morning to read on the the Facegroup groups..people complaining of no help..people are dying..not enough resources..someone has to do something !!

Ummmmm..You are all those someones !!!!!!!!

There was a room full of politicians last night at the event..perfect opportunity to share your story's....Show them we care....The people who organised the event..are the same people who ARE speaking out..Are telling their Stories..Are Pushing for more resources..More help..CHANGE!! Working hard to save our children !! With no complaints...They found their voices..They have overcome the stigma & shame..Their secrets are out...To save our children!!! They understand the strength it takes to do this..it is not easy..and not a journey many parents..the public are able..or willing to take...BUT..By god get out there and support them..show the Island..the politicians..that you are there at least..That you care what happens..They'll speak for you..YOU need to show up!! Not when a Crisis hits..Show up..keep showing up..put your support and presence behind these women!! It's all in numbers folks..We have Thousands of kids suffering..and we get maybe 30.....                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Please Please..Help educate the politicians..Help Educate the public..Help these Women that are fighting for our Children!!!!!!!!! It is so easy to dismiss an e-mail..DELETE..pay lip service..BUT when Hundreds of people show up..Support the events..Support those speaking out..That my friends cannot be dismissed !!!! That is a visual caught on camera...That is impact..That's what gets things moving..changing!!

I do show up..I will continue to show up..because even tho my son is in recovery..Many many more are not..and I will show up for them also..I will show up for YOUR child,mother,father..please do the same for my son..xoxo