I was going to write a post on coping with Addiction,however I remembered Sunday was Father's Day!
I have written many times about my sweet Dad and his own struggle with the disease addiction, from which he spent the last 24 years of his life in Recovery.Many people told me on his passing ,the profound feelings of loss would get better over time.It hasn't..But Life goes on and I am able to smile at the memory's now instead of cry..
I am able to laugh at his antics and dry sense of humor instead of shedding tears..I am able to feel his love and presence each and everyday with Comfort & Pride !
I can still hear his voice each & every Father's Day saying " You were and always will be the best Father's Day gift a father could receive..I was born on Father's Day..And I loved those years when my birthday & Father's Day fell on the same Day..I loved that we both Celebrated together...Each Other..What an extremely lucky girl I was, to have got to know, the most amazing man in world !
Recovery, gave me that gift..
Recovery, gave my Boy's a grandfather who spent quality time with them and never missed a milestone in their Lives!!
Recovery, gave countless people, still struggling, the pleasure of his company,whether it be over coffee,driving them to appts,buying them a meal,Finding them a warm place to spend the night..he "payed it forward" before those words became popular..He gave back continually !
Recovery allowed him to care for my mom, in her last years, slowly dying from her own disease, from which she just could not reach recovery..But you could still see & feel the deep love they had for each other..
Recovery did not come from the smokey dark rooms of AA,which I sat and celebrated with him the many times he picked up his "1 year chip"..And watched him sneak off to the bootleggers to" Celebrate" his milestone..As he would look so sheepishly sad the next day and say" AA" is just not for me..And the battle would begin again on his journey to reach Recovery.
Recovery came after a stint in Jail and the birth of his first Grandchild ( my son).When he was released and came home, we were waiting with that bundle of joy in our arms..he cried..I cried..I told him then,I could not let my son experience, what we as a family experienced growing up with his disease..His grandson deserved to know the real man behind the disease, who I knew was there and had seen him many times between "1 year chips". He never drank again !! So don't tell me love does not play a role in achieving Recovery.
Recovery brought each and everyone of one us the feeling of unconditional Love..As was evident on the day we said our good-byes.We all gathered in a circle,holding hands, His sons,his daughter,his grandsons & granddaughters to share our feelings of love and embrace him one last time.no one spoke..you could hear the silent tears,the muffled cries,when out of the silence came this shaky weak voice.." I was always his favorite you know"..His Grandaughter..looking very pleased with herself for telling us all this..And it began..No..I was his favorite..NO I was..remember the time..And so it spread around that circle..That special feeling of warmth and unconditional love that every person should experience as a son,daughter,grandchild,That my friends is what Recovery brought to our Family.
I hope my Bro's do not follow my blog because I am about share with you something my father whispered in my ear.." You will always be my Fav"..
Happy Father's Day My Sweet Dad..Love you always..
P.S. I slipped him one of his" 1 year chips" ( that he carried with him daily) to take with him, on his next journey..just in case..xoxo