This is the question most people ask me lately through my blog and e-mails.
How's it workin for ya ?
I am assuming they mean my stand against Tough Love...Instead..
going with Mamma's Love !
Welllll..It is going just fine..Thank-you very much !!
If you have followed my blog then you know how I struggled with let go..let god, Tough Love approach.
Instead I concentrated on Mamma..getting myself healthy..working on my own recovery..still advocating for my son..giving him support ( not money)..not enabling..keeping the rules and boundary's in place..and letting him suffer the natural consequences of his actions.
Guess what..AS I got better..So did he !
It was dam hard work..But a Mamma's got to do..what she's gotta do..and I did it..for myself !
There was noway in hell, I could do any of the above things for my son..If I wasn't well myself..I was an empty shell ..I was in a very dark place..and by reaching out for help..mainly to another mother..and people in recovery.. researching like a crazy woman..Questioning.. the sometimes archaic advice I was reading( and given) ..Going with the scientific based evidence..Staying firm to my belief that Addiction is indeed a disease.. I found light..and got my life back.Consequently, I got my son my back..for today !!
I learned to separate the Substance User from my son...I refuse to feed the vile..manipulative..disease of Addiction..But I will always love my son.I will always give him hope,encouragement,lots of love..and always..always..Fight for him..and others.
The one common theme I have heard from every person I have met in recovery is.." If my Family had given up on me...given up hope..refused to speak to me..completely disowned me..I would have died.
I am in no way saying my approach works for everyone..It wouldn't..I would not be able to keep him home if I had younger children..If I had not had the support of my hubby...If I was raising his children..and many other scenario's I am sure....I can only say..It's workin..for me..for him..I am not naive enough to think he has this licked..It is a disease of relapse and recovery..But Today he is 6 months in recovery..a full time Job..And just bought a car..He has plans for the future..He works his program..I work Mine.
I would say to every parent..grandparent.. son..daughter..brother..sister..Lover..Get yourself Healthy.. Heal...Start on your own recovery plan..You deserve it!!! Even if your loved one is not in recovery..you will be in a much better place to deal with this disease...Love & Light..xoxo