Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Stick A fork In Me,I'm Done

No...That was the Doc's answer..no way..no how..nope.. Never..however you put it, he is not taking him back in the program.I could not in all sincerity put up a battle strong enough to convince him, to give him another chance.He has been very patient with him over the years.He is not an easy child to deal with period.He told me he uses when he is on the methadone anyway,always trying to manipulate the dosage..Just barges in anytime..no appointment..Bully's the pharmacist into calling him for increases.Always an excuse for the dirty pee tests...never his fault..always excuses..He took him back this last time even when detox told him not to as he never finished the detox...he gave him his last chance... He never Learns or listens...He has to take responsibility for his own actions..his own recovery..The waiting list is too long with people wanting the program that deserve a chance when my son has had 4 kicks at the can...enough is enough...If he is struggling with drug sickness...go to detox..work the program..for once give it a try and follow thro..show some initiative on his part.Period.

I had a hard evening & night thinking about what was going to happen to him...would he start using hard again...would he go to detox..would he die...When he popped in this morning before work to try & wrangle change off me & informed me it was "My" fault he wouldn't take him back into the program,That I didn't try hard enough( scream,cry & beg).. I Didn't say the right things( Lie)..I realized he still doesn't get it...maybe never will..But I have to get It..I have to be healthy for myself...my other son..my grandchildren..my own life, I have to get it!!!! PERIOD

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