Monday, August 26, 2013

Make or Break

   This is my son's last week on methadone.He starts on 5 mg for one week then...nothing.Having watched him go thro withdrawals for the last 30 days has been difficult and yet the worst is yet to come.
Ask me about rapid methadone tapering.It sucks & my feeling is, it is inhumane.But I am only an observer & his Mamma.

I have heard him say I can't do this many times over the past month...But he did!!

   He is at a crossroads now...This is the make it..or break it point.He called last night with fear in his voice.Mamma I don't think I can do this.This last week was so bad.I can't afford to take time off work & yet my body is hurting so bad.Work is all I have at the moment.
Oh I have the that Gut feeling in my stomach,I gave him positive words of encouragement,what else could I do??? nothing...he has to do it!!

    His plan is to Call the Doctor,get something more in his arsenal for the withdrawals.This also scares me...just what he needs..more pills..I have to trust the doctor will make the right decision and only prescribe a short term dose of whatever or if he gives him anything at all.

    I am again battling my own feelings,My heart vs My head.I hate this place,I hate Addiction!!
I know I have to look after me!! ( easy to write it, but so hard to do it)   I have to remember the addict behavior,that almost killed me,killed him!!
I have to remember that loving him with all my being, was not or will not , ever be enough to help him on this journey.
I have to remember that this is all part of his recovery,not mine.
I have to remember....



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