Wednesday, August 21, 2013
I Am An Addict
I AM AN ADDICT
“I am an addict and this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about are my needs and how to go about fulfilling them.
You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered a sociopath. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't phase me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you, and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
Until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised. I am an addict. And that's what addicts do”.
While reading another Mother's facebook page I came across this poem.It hit me very hard,although it is difficult to read..even harder to get your head around,It is sooo true.I am not sure If reading it in my son's early years of addiction, I would have actually believed it...Or actually read it!! I can honestly say it sure hits home now!!!
Although it makes me sad to read,It is the reality for many of us that love our children and question why love is not enough to "fix" our children.Our Children are in there somewhere,hopefully they will find their path back to us.....Hugggs