It has been a rough few days.I am not sure if it is connected with my near miss on Monday or just fears,doubts or my head playing games with me.
I am so trying to make that leap to the other side, where I can disconnect with the addiction and actually make it thro one week without dark thoughts entering.I know I am expecting to much,too soon, as I can't make it through one day and I may never.
It is such an emotionally journey...It takes very little to make you feel almost high...and even less to pull you back down.I have got to find that even ground...for myself!! I have always been able to talk to myself,get my mind on other things and climb out,Lately tho it is taking longer and getting harder.
I find I have no patience or empathy or understanding for my son these days.Which is not me!! And it scares me,I am lashing out more at him.My heart aches so badly..and at the moment I am not sure if it is for him..or me!!
I hate..hate..hate..pity-party's and that is where I find myself,Swinging the stick and obliterating the pinata!!
I have no patience for self-pity,yet here I am!!