That would be me.I have no Idea where it came from,but I am embracing it !! Even tho I have always seemed to remain calm during stressful happenings in my life and do what needs to be done,This is a different calmness,Like an inner peace of sorts.
I have made a conscious decision( it is hard to keep quiet when I think he is making the wrong choices!!) to let my son now own his recovery,I can advocate for him, but I cannot control his recovery,he alone has to walk that lonely road I can only be a bystander,support,listen & love.It was & Is a steep learning curve for me.
I once had a client who was dying and I was the nurse who did the nights,we would sit almost the whole night just talking,She needed to share her life,she had accepted death,was ready,and wanted to tell me how blessed she was.I always felt Blessed that she chose me to share her last days with & reminisce. She was a farmer's wife,no children,and had no sisters but 2 brothers who she lived with and you could feel the love between them all.She really touched me and I actually looked forward to each night to our marathon talks,Tea & biscuits with the odd chocolate bar thrown in !! She had a hard life,not only physically as a farmer, but she remained for 30 years in an abusive relationship.These were the times when the man was the king of his Castle and she truly believed she was doing something to deserve these horrendous beatings.
The story she shared with me changed her life forever.It is a very uplifting and sad story at the same time.
Being a Farmer they always had animals around...people used to drop off their unwanted cats & dogs on their land, knowing she would always feed & care for them.These were her children.One day this very pregnant kitten showed up on her doorstep.She said it couldn't have been any more than 6 months old.
Her husband was raging,not only another cat,but a pregnant one at that!!Well the day came that the kitten had her babies...8 & pure white...She said the Mamma was so proud...and never left them even to eat herself,so she she would take her food & milk to her in the loft.
One day she was hanging out clothes and she saw her husband walking by with a potatoe sack in his hand and heading for the river.She knew exactly what he was doing and what was in the sack,the kittens,He was going to drown them.She dropped eveything and ran after him.By the time she caught up with him he was on his way back and the bag was slowly sinking in the river.As she watched in horror,the Mamma's head emerged from the water..in it's mouth,a baby.She actually swam to the bank dropped off the kitten and went back..This went on till all 8 babies were safely back on shore.Cats are known for their fear of water and inability to swim...This she thought was a miracle.She quickly bundled them all up in her apron and set off for her brother's farm a mile away where she knew they would be safe.
The courage of that Mamma gave her the courage to leave her husband.The next day she had her brother's come & get her and she lived out her remaining years with her brothers & 9 cats!! Although at this point in her life the Mamma had since passed on,one of the 8 kittens was still around at the young age of 24...and it never left her side for the 4 months I spent with her.
I do not think there is a moral to this story but his actions finally gave her the courage to leave or was it the actions of the Mamma cat...risking her own life to save her babies...She died the next night on my shift,peacefully and surrounded by the love of her brothers & the one remaining kitten that always served to reminder her of the strength she had deep inside her.
I don't know why this woman entered my thoughts yesterday,But it made me smile & cry at the same time...Maybe she is still with me in spirit..helping me, to dig deep inside and find my own strength & Inner peace..xox