Thursday, October 3, 2013

Mixed Emotions

 I am not sure,I do not know, how to NOT let my emotions dictate how to deal with my son.
Tomorrow he is being discharged from detox...He will not be allowed back into the family doctors Methadone fact he has released him as patient all together.Thus he is now on the Addiction facility's methadone programs waiting list..He is Number 78 on the list..As much as this sounds mean to release him he is relentless in getting what he wants..wants control..has no respect..for either the DR or The Methadone program.
  Apparently he was back to using big time while awaiting his bed at detox( I just found this out yesterday) we thought was being used to purchase methadone, was being used to purchase drugs..quite a variety of drugs in large amounts.
Their suggestion to him was, to go to a sober living facility...3 month wait...He will not make it that long without using ..a vicious cycle.
  I cannot take him home...he will NOT follow any rules or boundaries we impose..I get emotionally and physically exhausted from the lies and manipulation.I am torn tho because of the lack of resources available to him...but then again..he does not seem to want to or will not take advantage of what is available.I do not know what will happen to him..Love him to death..But I see a train wreck coming when he is released and there is nothing I can do to stop it.Do I stand beside the train or do I become a casuality of this wreck..again..again & again..


  1. I have been following your writing for the last six months and I am so sorry to hear this. I don't even know what to say... I feel so bad for you , your family and your son.
    I have also been living this nightmare for the last four years and have let my daughter go find her way so to speak and it is the biggest challenge my husband and I have had to face in 30 years of marriage.. I am truly sorry and will be praying for all of our addicted young people.

  2. I am always sad to hear of someone else going thro this nightmare and yet it brings me a sort of peace to know we are not alone.Thank-you for sharing with me,means more than you will ever know!! xoxo

  3. Please know you are NOT alone....I don't have much advice, we have been on this road for 18+ yrs....Your posts are so raw, so honest, so spot on.....Your love for your son, comes through in your writings...I pray he will turn it around....I do have one piece of advice; please take care of yourself; this is an area, that my husband and I did not do and WE ARE now paying for it......

    1. We are at that crossroads now...18+ yrs!! That's my greatest fear..It is never going end unless we end it,5 years has taken it's toll on us,on him,it is a living nightmare as you know.Wish I could tell you I will make the right decision,But I can' insane is that???

  4. My husband and I are at the stage where we are trying to take better care of ourselves as physically and emotionally this takes a terrible toll on you. Some days are better than others. In our situation we have been left to take care of our daughters children so this is another challenge but it is also a joy to see them
    grow and learn and be loved under our care until their mother is ready to care for
    them hopefully she will but until that time they are what keeps up going and smiling. Take care everyone. Hugs!!!

  5. Huggs to you,I am happy to hear your grandchildren bring you much joy :) As do ours ! As parents, we do what we have to do and each child and situation is unique.