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  After work yesterday my son dropped in for supper,A daily occurrence that I do not mind as we are home and at least he gets 1 good meal a day.He is gaunt,thin, but not high from drugs,he also agrees to random drug testing, so we know it is just methadone( illegally bought) he is taking and not actively using IV opiates.

 I gave him a drive to where he is living and we had a open

discussion about his situation.He tried to work on my emotions by telling me he can't handle this too much longer.He hates where he is living,I told him he is lucky he has a place to live,many do not,even if it is a mattress on the floor in his friends storage area.He expressed remorse for what he has put us through,money he has cost us,My response was he could repay us when he gets well, But the biggest repayment would be seeing him in recovery and doing the work to help himself. He did not think he could last much longer and fears he is going to die or gets desperate enough to commit suicide.I told him to put his big boy panties on..he has been in far worse shape and survived and if he truly wanted to have a life, drug free he could do it!! Inside my heart was breaking...But I know he is where he needs to be, to realize just how far down the hole he is in,perhaps now he can see,that only he can figure how to get out.He has never been suicidal..depressed..although I can't dismiss it all together,I think he was just trying to manipulate his way back home.We cannot take him back home,He has to find his own way back home..I pray he does...