The Shore has always been my place of contentment...solitude..reflection..A place to share my most inner thoughts...get things out...seek answers. My own little piece of world.
So after another day of no contact with my son, I packed up my hubby and off we went to the cottage..He loves to sit on the deck..I love to walk the shore..search for seaglass..driftwood..answers. As I sat in my favorite spot on the rocks watching my friend, the eagle soar overhead searching out lunch I reflected on this past week...on my son..what brought us to where we are today...The conclusions : I have no Idea!!
He has a loving family..extended family..Good friends..The fact that he also has ADHD,I have no doubt played a role in this..his struggles academically because of the ADHD...which I am sure led to him having self esteem problems...confidence problems..we can analyze this to death, as to the why's, but it does not help where we are today...In the clutches of Addiction !!
My Dad had a special connection with my son...I think he saw a wee bit of himself in his grandson...As he also had addiction issues in his younger years with Alcohol.My son loved nothing more than spending time with him..I lost my dad less than a year ago to cancer..He lost his grandfather..I thought I could save both of them !! Who did I think I was ??? It was a big loss..he was my hero..I could do nothing wrong in his eyes..My biggest supporter..The first Man I loved..I could sure use his feedback now..
My son stayed clean throughout the last months of my dad's Life....he kept him company..he took him for drives..Ice Cream..He took him for sleepovers with us at the cottage..This is my son!!..caring..Compassionate..Always sticking up for underdog even it was to his own determent!!
In a way it was my Dad's last gift to me..I got my son back..If only for a short time..So it has been a tough year mourning both my Dad...and My son..So I talked to them both yesterday on that rock..I just hope they heard me.....