Wednesday, May 29, 2013

For An Addict

Last night was a bad one...A call from his ex-girlfriend...worried about him...Friends telling her he looks like death...Asking If I had heard from him...No we have not...She found out he was finally offered a bed at detox...he refused it !!!! That was last Thursday....6 days later he is spinning out of control...The urge to call him & ask him to put his name back on the list..Beg him to get help was sooo great and I was hurting so bad thinking about how sick he is..and the thoughts of losing him.This was my first real test since deciding I was not going to be an enabler anymore..Did I pass..Kinda..I would say it was a C..But I scraped by..Barely...His Dad did the calling( with my support)..He took his call..He told him he was in bad shape..Then he told him he would call us back as he had to clean his room ??? He never called back..Hubby said he sounded shaky & very sick...We never called him back either..After a good cry..second guessing our decision...I reached for a book I often gravitate to when life throws for me a loop.As I stated before I am kind of a wee bit spiritual...And while researching my Irish roots I found out I come by it naturally, as the Celtic's are a spiritual Clan ! It was here I came across an Author I fell in love with "John O' Donahue"..and his book of Blessings " To Bless the space between Us "...I automatically opened up to the well worn page and the poem " For an Addict " I am sure I am not the first nor be the last to share ...For my Son..XOXO

                                       For An Addict

On its way through the innocent night
the moth is ambushed by the light,
becomes glued to a window 
where a candle burns
its whole self, its dreams of flight 
and all desire 
trapped in one glazed gaze.
Now nothing else can satisfy
but the deadly beauty of the flame.
When you lose the feel 
for all other belonging
and what is truly near 
becomes distant and ghostly,
you are visited and claimed 
by a simplicity
sinister in its singularity.
No longer yourself, 
your mind will be owned
and steered from elsewhere now.
You will sacrifice anything 
to dance once more 
to the haunted music
with your fatal beloved
who owns the eyes to your heart.
These words of blessings cannot reach,
even as echos, to the shore of where you are.
Yet, may they walk without you
to soften some slight line, 
through to the white cave 
where you soul is captive.
May some glimmer of outside light 
reach your eyes
to help you recognize how you have fallen
for a vampire.
May you crash hard and soon
onto real ground again
where this fundamentalist shell
might start to crack
for you to hear again
your own echo.
That your lost lonesome heart 
might learn to cry out
for the true intimacy of love
that waits to take you home
to where you are known and seen
and where your life is treasured
beyond every frontier
of despair you have crossed.
However today I am going to go see him...ask..maybe beg... him to reach out again for help...Is this enabling ? ...I like to call it a wellness check...We have learned sooo Much on this journey..and we  have sooo much more TO learn !!


  1. I don't call that enabling at all! We have to continually reconnect with our addicted children so they know that we are still here, we still care, and that there is a better way to live that is full of love, support, and kindness. YOU do what you have to do to get through to your son.He is blessed to have a loving family. Rose

  2. I can tell you Rose it was worth the visit...he called detox to put his name back on the list..An hour later they called back..he goes in tomorrow!! Happy Dance!!
    The first day at a time..Thank-you for all your help and support..hugggs

  3. A heart to heart with mom can do wonders for their spirit and motivation. I hope it all works out!