Saturday, July 26, 2014


Mary was a Mamma just like many of us..led down the path of addiction with her son..It is a family disease..we do get just as sick as our children..Please.. if you are struggling with a loved ones addiction..get it another you wont feel it a support group..or professional help..better yet all 3!!

Mary decided she could no longer walk this path..she took her life..not what we expect to hear..we expect to read about her child..but not the parent..Broke my heart when I heard this..right to the core..She belonged to an online group for family's with loved ones suffering with addiction..she advocated..she loved her son..obviously she suffered more than anyone knew..Please reach out if your feeling helpless !!!

I joined a group a few weeks ago..NOT on addiction..BUT..It always comes up in some form or another..I was sickened by the names my son..and others who live with disease of addiction were called!!! The public does not get it..We need to educate them more.. We need to fight for better treatment...we need to find our voices and speak up..for our children..We need to stay strong and not let ignorant people keep us down..It will kill us !! Just as it is killing our loved ones!!

Give you son/daughter a hug..tell them you love them..they are in there somewhere in the grimy hands of addiction..then get help for you..You need to stay healthy !! The best thing we can do for our loved ones is get healthy..get on our recovery..if not..addiction wins!! F$%^..I hate addiction !!! What good are we to our children if we stay as sick as they are ????

I no longer give a Ratzzz Azzzz what other people think of me..or my son..he is sick..Who gives up on a sick child ???

I am not going to be another statistic..I am not going to be let the publics perception of my son..or me..Bully..shame.. stigmatize ...keep me prisoner in my home.. Quelle my voice....ever again !!!

My deepest sympathies to Mary's Family..huggggs
Mary ...I hope you have found peace...xo

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Transition & James Dean

It has not been a smooth ride .. This Transition home...for both us and our son..A week of ups and downs.

As the week comes to an end so does the life of a special man in my life.
He was my anchor,my protector in my early years growing up in the midst of addiction.

He was like a white knight riding in on his horse to swoop me up and lift me out of the chaos...and drop me into the simple life of a farm..a busy life full of chores and laughter..surrounded always by the love of my Dad's Family..He used to come and say..Vacation time Kiddo..pack your things.. I had many many vacation days at the farm..I had no Idea what chaos was going on at home..he protected me from that in my early years..He also gave me my first dog..who lived to be 21 !!

He was so Handsome..A James Dean look-a-like..jet black hair and eyes as blue as the sea.

He is my Father's younger brother..My Favorite Uncle..

He was a Bad my son..but I never saw that side of him.It's funny how the heart responds to someone who has been so special to you,you overlook that side..I was always happy to see matter what turmoil his own life was in..and he was always same with me..We had a special bond. We actually have sons the same age.. So he was always my Big brother..That is the kind of bond we have.I am so lucky to have such a big family on my Dad's side..As I was the oldest Niece..we all grew up together..what seemed like years between us when I was a wee one..grew increasingly smaller as we grew instead of Uncles & Aunts..they are now my brothers and sisters.

His days are running out of hours.. His own Transition from this world to the next has begun...He knows how special he always was to me..and will always matter where he is..

Over these past 5 years with my son's struggle, I longed for him to swoop in..and say.."vacation Time Kiddo". But Life happens..We grow up..

Love you.My James Dean..xoxoxox 

Update : Fight is over..peace and a party as he rejoins his siblings and parents waiting for him with open arms, that passed from this world to the next before him...July/06/2014